Dress Codes and Stopping Sex

Earlier this week I saw a meme from a supposedly fifteen-year-old girl that essentially stated that dress codes are never applied to men and that the person sexualizing her is the one with a problem. Yeah, there are some issues with this.

Let's get one thing straight from the beginning: High school dress codes are not for the kids, they are for the parents. Parents are weird when it comes to teenage sex: They know that the kids are doing it, but they hope it isn't their kids. Interest in sex is part of having a healthy kid; this is just one area parents wish their kids were a little less healthy. Their concerns are legitimate; STDs and pregnancy are very real concerns and can stop a lot of future plans.

Ergo, anything that they can do to slow kids down is welcome, even if it's as merely symbolic as trying to stop kids from dressing provocatively. Let's get real: Nothing will stop kids from having sex if they really want to do it. They will find a way, and a dress code really doesn't matter to them. If anything it provides another way to rebel against authority, and the more a kid can subvert the code the more popularity he has, and the more popular a kid is the more likely he is to have sex. There are some good things about dress codes, as they do prevent gang violence, but they really do not work for limiting sex.

That said, boys are more likely to run afoul of dress codes than girls. Sure, you have girls that dress provocatively, but most girls stay well within the limits; girls tend to be better at choosing their battles than boys. Boys are more likely to accidentally run afoul of the dress code as they are more interested in showing off their bodies than girls, and are more likely to forget niceties like hygiene or proper clothing maintenance. It's not that guys care less appearance, but they like appearing a bit rough and torn and stained clothing helps that reputation. So boys are more likely than girls to have dress code issues.

As for being sexualized, she needs to grow up a bit. Everyone is going to be sexualized at some point, especially the youth. The weird part is that most of the problem with this is coming from the liberal crowd, which is understandable; sexualization implies objectification, which reduces the person to a mere object and not a person. At the same time, it is also a sign of a healthy sexual appetite, and that should be reasonably accounted for. Admittedly it's better for teenagers to express that through just talking, some kissing, and maybe dancing, but the reality is that sex is a part of that landscape, just a part that should not be explored immediately.

It's also sort of strange that you want kids to appreciate beauty, but that should not be limited to merely art or physical appearance; sexualization allows a person to look for any other desirable traits. Looking at another person sexually is more than just physical appearance; it can be personality or social traits as well. No one looks for the same things as everyone else, and that is something that should be encouraged. However, that necessary first step is sexualizing others, and that should be encouraged as long as it keeps away from objectification.

When it comes to dress codes, suffer through them. They can be obnoxious, but they can be dealt with. Just realize that they are for the sake of parents, a necessary illusion of control of teenage sex, and that they actually allow for a little additional freedom. So suffer through them, and you should do okay. And it is great preparation for jobs that require even stricter dress codes, like the usual first job in fast food...

Seeing Things Differently

As you begin to question authority, it is only natural that you will question your beliefs as well. Although this is no doubt frustrating to your parents and peers, this is nonetheless an important part of growing up. As new possibilities open up for you, this means that you will see new potential avenues and want to explore them. You need to explore them as possible.

Your beliefs are bound to change as you get older. This is not something that should be considered lightly, but it is something that will happen as you evolve and change. This is not something you should fear, but should be aware that it happens. Suffice to say that this does not happen to everyone the same way, but odds are good that your beliefs will change to some degree. How they change is up to you.

There are a number of reasons for this change. You may have some sort of life experience that suggests something wrong with your current belief system, usually an intense positive experience with a new philosophy or an extremely negative one with your current philosophy. You could also simply fall out of your current philosophy, either because it doesn’t quite match up with what you think it should be, and sometimes you could just be in a rebellious phase. Regardless of what the reason is, you are bound to want to try something different at some point, and this is perfectly normal.

When you first start noticing that your beliefs are changing, it may be time to contact your spiritual advisor, if you have one. You need to find one that you can talk to and is going to listen; you have some big questions to ask, and you need someone who is going to allow you to ask those questions rather than merely keep you on track. If you don’t have a spiritual advisor, you may want to track down someone whose opinion you can trust, which may be someone in a church or temple. Ask around, feel free to approach someone through Facebook or even use a search engine to find an appropriate place; you need to be comfortable asking any questions that you feel necessary.

Something to keep in mind is that just as you need to trust the person you are talking to, there is an assumed trust on the other side as well. Keep in mind that you need to approach the person with some respect; try to keep spurious or insulting questions to a minimum. Although some disrespect is expected, now is not the time to push it. Ask what you can, feel free to schedule a few sessions, and go in with an op en mind. Even if you only go in to settle your own curiosity, go in politely and you should get the answers you need.

You beliefs are bound to change as you get older, as you seek out new perspectives on things and so see things differently. This is fine and is hardly abnormal; if anything you should embrace this ability to look at things differently every so often. However, keep in mind that talking things out is something you can always do and is suggested. Humans have the ability to talk about things; this is not necessarily a bad thing to do every so often.