Physical Basics

Growing up is hard to do, unless you are a teenage boy. If you are a teenager, then it is your biggest nightmare. So let's talk about growing up.

Height

You are going to get taller. This is going to cause a lot of problems and sooner more likely than later. The first issue is that you are a lot more expensive to clothe, and not just because you want designer clothes. If your school forces you to wear uniforms, you parents are likely to dislike you now. A lot. You are also able to reach places you couldn't previously, and your parents are likely to notice it; you have a lot of new chores to learn how to do. You also no longer have the “too short” excuse when it comes to defending yourself. So expect a lot more fights, but at least your basketball scores should go up.

Weight

Most kids will lose baby fat as they hit the teen years. This is a good thing. Exult in it and endeavor to lose more. By the same token, you will most likely be hungry all of the time; this just means you need to keep an eye on your weight. However, this does not mean you should worry about your weight, and that your weight is usually fine. Be aware that boys have started to suffer from eating disorders in an attempt to look whatever they see as normal or sexy; as long as you are not ridiculously fat or ludicrously thin, you are fine. Don't worry about your weight unless you have actually talked to a doctor about it.

Physical Exercise

Go to gym class. Enjoy it. It's easy to feel self-conscious; there's a reason pubescent boys are called “coltish”; their legs are longer than they should be, they are thin as rails, and there is usually little meat on them. Because of growth, they are also a lot clumsy; there is a reason they don't want to dance with girls --- they may step on them. Gym class will help with a lot of that. You will become surer with your body, you will grow out of that clumsy stage, and you will be fine.

So, yeah. You are not the paragon of grace right now. But eventually you will grow into your body. It'll change again, and you'll grow into again. So be it. Do not let it get you down!

Nutrition

Nutrition is going to be a weird issue for you. Because of all of your physical issues, hunger will be a constant companion. Your body is using the protein and carbs in your food to build your body, especially if you are physically active. This is where you need to start listening to your body, and grab what it tells you to grab. However...

First off, pay attention to what your nutrition teacher taught you, and keep to the pyramid. Sure, you can argue about the amount of vegetables and bread, but you're going to need all of those vitamins and carbs. If you are a normal boy, you're going to want protein; it's a cheap source of energy, and it's readily available in the form of delicious sweet meat. However, you need more than protein, so keep to a well-rounded diet.

Second, you can do better than energy drinks and soda. I'm a big fan of my soft drinks, so I understand the reasons for wanting to drink these all of the time. However, the soda can cause health risks as well as dental ones, and the high off energy drinks is a cheap one; you can get a better high of doing some exercise. It does not help that your system is already amped up. We'll be dealing with sleep issues momentarily, but for now if you need an energy boost, take the hint and go take a nap.

Third, calories are your friend. I know you've heard nothing but bad when it comes to calories, but they just became your friend. For now, and until you hit eighteen or so, I'd advise eating a few more calories than normal. This is not to fatten you up, but to make sure that you have something to build a body with; if you find yourself getting fat, then just re-do the math. So, let's mathematical: Take 13. Add 1 if you are actually sedentary (if you are online a lot, for example), 3 if you do a lot of sports, and 2 if you are about average (video game players should apply here). Now, multiply by (in pounds) your current weight or the weight you have been told to aim for. This is how many calories you should be eating a day. So...an average 150-pound kid who goes to gym and plays video games should be eating (13+2=15; 15x150=) 2250 calories a day.

Fourth, eat healthy snacks. Not energy bars, or candy cars, but carrots and celery. It gets annoying, but they are better for you on a number of levels.

Insomnia

Okay, one of the changes is that you are wanting to go to sleep later and sleep in later as well. You will also want to sleep for fewer hours on weekdays and more on weekends. If this is not the case, you may want to discuss this issue with a doctor. However, you may have problems going to sleep in the first place, or find yourself tired a lot, and by tired I mean actually sleeping. If this is the case more than a few nights a month, you are either dealing with more stress than you can deal with, or its time to talk with a counselor. If you figure it's the stress, either decrease whatever is causing the stress or find a way to deal with it, such as just sitting the park for an hour. Too much stress is not good for you, and may actually be causing problems, especially with whatever is causing the stress. As such, you need to find an effective way of dealing with the stress or you're going to suffer in a lot of not-nice ways. So deal with it or run from it, but decrease it somehow.

Showers

School Showers

Different schools have different policies on school showers. A lot of schools have instituted a policy where boys don't need to shower or can shower in their shorts. Obviously, I'm firmly in the “take a shower” camp. If you can take a shower, the best two periods to take it are first and last; first period allows you to get your blood pumping early in the morning, so you're good for the rest of the day, as well as grab a quick shower before your first academic class, and last period allows you to be clean for whatever you have planned that afternoon.

As for the nudity, this is where things start to get weird. You need to get comfortable with your body, and the best way to do that is just take showers with guys. If you don't like your body, realize that you can train some and what you can't train you can't do anything about. A shower may be embarrassing the first few times, but you'll get over it. Some modesty is cool; that's fine. But you need to be comfortable with who you are, and the first step is being willing to be naked in front of people you know. You can argue that your equipment isn't the same as what you see, but it's a bogus argument when it comes to showers. So get naked if you can; it will help your self-confidence on a number of levels.

Inappropriate Nudity

Okay, so I'm advocating for nudity in showers and some swimming situations. But where do I stand on nudity in general? That's complicated. You have hit on one of your more exhibitionist ages; on one hand you want to hide what you have because it's just so weird, but on the other you want to show off your new equipment. After all, you're finally a man, and you want to show it off. It doesn't help that you know if you want to play doctor with that hot person over there, you going to have show yours to see hers.

All of this fine; it's a very healthy reaction. Feeling comfortable to walk around in nothing but underwear at home, especially if it's a hot day, is even okay. However, there is a limit. If everyone else is wearing something, even swimwear, so should you be. Some people prefer nudity; in and of itself, that's fine. The problem is when you feel charged or a little excited when you are naked; if that's the case, you may be an exhibitionist, and it may be time to seek some counseling. I'm obviously not advocating against naturism; I'm just saying that it should feel natural, and if you are feeling sexually charged there is nothing natural about it. Just something to consider...

Another issue is when you are around a group of guys, and they require you to be naked all the time, especially if it's just you, then you may want to re-think your friendship. Don't take me too literally on this; skins vs. shirts games and skinnydipping with just the guys doesn't count here. But if they insist on your undressing, even partially, then there may be something else going on, possibly attempts at molesting you, and so you should really think about why you are hanging around those guys.

Overall, just remember that your body is yours, and try to keep that in mind. It won't get you out of school showers, but it should make life a lot easier for you. At least in the long run...

Private Parts II

Dealing With The Beast in Your Pants

This is not the sex talk; that will take up a lot of space, and you're not ready for that. This is about masturbation. There are a number of techniques, but the best is a hand lotion to avoid chapping, a tissue to catch the ejaculate, and a shower afterwards. However, we're not here to talk about technique or morality, but we will get into the morality aspect at a later date.

An issue that does not need to be dealt with the amount you do it. On one hand you will not explode if you don't do it; wet dreams will take care of any issues in that regard, and shifting thoughts will deal with erections faster and without the embarrassment of getting caught in public. On the flip side, there is the possibility of doing it too much; besides the issue of having a chapped penis in a locker room, you can get addicted to masturbation if you do it too often, meaning that you have managed to pick up an actual neurosis. It can be a healthy sign of sexuality, and allows you to deal with sexual thoughts, but too much is unhealthy. If you end doing it more than a few times a week, seek counseling. The good news is that your palms won't get hairy and you won't become blind, but it is something you need to do with moderation.

The Uncircumcised

I feel sorry for the uncircumcised. If you haven't already, you need to get in the habit of cleaning your foreskin, preferably at least weekly. If you don't, it will smell and you won't like the smell. It's not that hard, and if you don't, you are likely to get an infection going, if you haven't already. There is also another potential complication: If you have an erection, and the foreskin is tight, so tight that it's painful, you need to talk to a doctor. It's somewhat common, and it's easy to deal with, so deal with it.

Dealing With Mom

Now is the time to learn how to do laundry. Trust me; it's a skill you will learn to appreciate as a teenage boy, and it makes your life a lot easier later on. However, for now just realize that will prevent a lot of embarrassed looks and even more embarrassing conversations. So just learn how to do laundry already. It's worth the extra work not having to deal with those embarrassing conversations.

Another issue you need to deal with is showering. You have a whole mess of problems to deal with now, and showering will deal with a lot of them. Your sweat glands have started producing musk; this is why your sweat smells so much. At one point that musk helped you get a mate, and in some cultures it still will. Sure, you can hide it with a deodorant, but you need to take a shower in order to get rid of it. Your body is also producing more oil; although there are some minor survival advantages, such as making you slippier and making your hair shinier and more attractive, it can also lead to acne and from there into whiteheads which can lead to scarring.

A quick shower not only feels good, but can also deal with these issues. Make it a warm shower, and it can ease sore muscles, which is a definite plus after a long day on the field. A good scrub can deal with a variety of problems, as well as give you a chance to give yourself a once-over to make sure you don't have any scratches or bruises you didn't know about. So get in the water, and love it!

Private Parts I

You are going to no doubt notice that there is a lot going on just below belt. This is where puberty is going to hit you hardest, because the changes here are the reason for puberty. Of all the new hair you have, this is area that scientists question the most, and has some of the wildest theories going on about, even as it seems to be the area most boys and men debate shaving off the most. However, we're going to ignore pubic hair; it really doesn't matter, and go straight to the heart of the problem.

Over the next few years, your penis is going to get longer, both in general and when it gets excited. You will no doubt make attempts to exercise it to get it even longer, but the bad news is that it takes an operation to make it longer, so don't worry about it too much; what you have is what you get. The reason for the erection is not muscle based, but because blood fills up part of the penis; because it's a material and not muscle, exercising it will not make it grow. So stop that before you go blind.

To answer a question I'm sure is going to come up, no; you can't pee when it its erect, and if you have to go it will hurt; the urethra is closed off like when you cinch a hose when you are erect. This means that you can't pee and ejaculate at the same time, and if you can, time to see a doctor.

And to answer the other question: No, you have no control over your erection. It may seem like its main job is to get you into trouble, but eventually you will find a use for it that doesn't make you the butt of some joke. For what it's worth, it happens to all of us, just deal with it. The best way to deal with it is to just let it pass; the more you worry about it the less likely it's going to go down. The reason “baseball”, or any other sport, is suggested is because when you think about sports you get lost in the fantasy, and stop thinking about the problematic erection, and so it disappears. So, if it's a problem, just think of your favorite activity and you should be good.

The testes will drop a little, but you won't notice that; it's in a place you can't see so you won't see it happen. What you may notice is that you can now ejaculate; it's a whitish liquid that sort of looks like hand lotion, and is a mix of semen and sperm. Odds are pretty good it's one of your first scary encounters with puberty, especially if you wake up and find it in your underwear. Most kids do the research and decide that they have somehow contracted gonorrhea, and panic. I'm telling you straight up: Expect to see it every so often. This “nocturnal emission” is normal; it's just a way for your body to get rid of excess sperm, and you're going to see it. Relax.

The Physical

Out of all of these, the easiest to explore is the physical aspects of puberty. Of course, they also lead to the most confusing aspects of the situation. Because they are the most obvious, they are also the most likely to get you into trouble as, well, boys compare what they have to what others have. The first to go through this process are usually the guys that scare you the most, so you're most likely to complain that bullies just keep getting stronger. The last will be made fun of, of course, even though they have little control of what happens. You hope that you are among the first half to undergo the fun process we call puberty.

Teenage Werewolves

Okay, so let's deal with the fun parts first. Over the next few years you are going to get more muscles and hair than you have ever had in your life. Accompanying this will be growing pains; as the muscles and bones stretch and grow you will occasionally experience a twinge of pain; just grin and bear as it will be over soon enough. You will also be a bit clumsier; you are adjusting to your new body, which means every so often you won't quite calculate things right. This means that you will be bumping your head (being taller than you were used to), tripping every so often (longer legs will do that), and even missing grabs you would have normally caught (longer arms sorta suck). It sucks to be you.

At the same time, you will love exercise even more as it gives you a way to exercise your new muscles. Few teenage boys willingly confine themselves indoors, and it's because biking and running are good for you. You will be wrestling more; the testosterone in your system has made you more aggressive, and wrestling takes the edge off that. You will also start really appreciating crafts, cars, and, well, anything that lets you build; it's not because you have a gene that makes you want to build something, but because it's not only a mental challenge, but because it helps get your out of control reflexes into focus. Video games provide the same sort of challenge/focus, so of course you love them. You may even take up body-building, as it's a way to deal with growing pains and testosterone, and make you look you better.

So no matter how much you hate gym class, and all of your gym clothing, odds are you are going to love the exercise. That's not a bad thing; enjoy it! It's good for you.

The Hair

You're going to notice the hair. You used to have some hair, but now it's going to become more obvious. Like every male before you, you are going to ask one question: WHY? Unfortunately, no scientist in the world can tell you. All we know for sure is that for some reason women like flowing hair, gorgeous beards and mustaches, and chest hair is a sign of manliness, so we have a good idea why head, facial, and chest hair are still part of the equation. However, the rest of it has scientists stumped, and it can actually be fun to track down some of the theories they have. So I'll be up front with you now: It's just a sign of all that testosterone in your system, and let's leave it at that, okay? Good.

The Basics

The problem with puberty is that it effects everyone at a different rate. This is not like a butterfly or frog where all of them advance at the same rate. Remember that as we go through this; this is a general guide, so be aware that not everyone is at the same stage, that different boys will go through different stages faster or slower than others, and that there is nothing to embarrassed about. Yes, some boys will inevitably turn it into a competition, but it really isn't. I know it's going to be hard to do, but try anyway.

The quicky version is that your body is being flooded with testosterone. This means that your body is going to see a number of physical changes, some of which will horrify you and some of which will make you happy. Let's just say that by the time the majority of changes are through, you will hardly remember yourself. At the same time, you are also undergoing some mental changes as well; on one hand they exaggerating your normal characteristics, but they are allowing you to look at the world differently, and usually in a good way.

Adding to this mess is the social component. While you are dealing with all of these mental and physical changes, you are also shifting from learning mode to doing mode; your body is making you a part of society whether you want to be one or not. Although you will always be learning things, you will now actually be able to take a meaningful part in society, and actually have a voice in what happens to not only you but those around you. This means that, while your mind and body are in a chaotic mess, your decisions now have import. Yeah; you now have the power to mess up your life on a level you've never had before.

So....there you have it. The basics. You should be running for the hills, as any one of these areas is enough to make a kid scared. Let's explore these a bit, shall we?

Final Word For Parents...for Now

Okay, this is the last chapter for parents, for now anyway. The important thing to realize is that your teenage son is not the little boy he used to be. This is not to say that you need to treat him with kid gloves, just be aware that your role in his life is changing. You need to stop being the one making his choices for him, and start letting him make more of his own choices. He needs to make some mistakes, and you need to give him the freedom to make those mistakes. This isn't necessarily a bad thing; it means that he makes those mistakes in a situation where you can help him correct them, and he makes them before they really start counting against him.

Putting it another way: At this stage of the game, stealing apples is still seen as cute, and any good farmer allows for a certain loss. Also, defeating the farmer's security measures shows initiative and ingenuity. Am I encouraging the theft of someone else's livelihood? No, and I would expect for any decent parents to punish the kid if he gets caught. However, it would be sort of unusual to levy the same punishment (getting shot at, jail time) that you would for older offenders; the motivation for the two is not only completely different (solving a puzzle, get a reward versus survival) but they understand the situation differently (the kids see a challenge whereas the older offender sees it as a selfish situation).

Good parents hope that they can help their kids as much as possible. Bad ones, not so much. The good parents see the kids as extensions of themselves, and that they represent another chance, however vicarious, to see what they would have done. But there is also the fun of seeing kids plot their own courses and see where they would end up; to see what decisions are the same, which are different, and to look at the decision-making promise as it develops. It has been said that kids are getting smarter every year; IQ tests need to be reset every twenty years or so because of this. And yet, kids still make the same stupid decisions that they have been making for the last millennia. Kids still get hurt doing stupid things, kids still get pregnant, and kids still tick off their parents; this will probably never change. Parents eyes roll, they swear at their progeny, they still wonder what they ever did to deserve this; this also will probably never change.

So do parents do it? Because for every tear there is a laugh, for every swear there is praise, and for every moment of frustration there is one of enlightenment. But this is isn't a zero sum game; parents get plenty back from their investment. If nothing else they find someone they enjoy being around, someone to help hold off the darkness a little while longer, someone that can make their life a little more interesting. And for most, that makes it all worthwhile.

If all else fails, they can always try again. Possibly adopting this time...

Mom And The Lifetime Channel

When your son hits puberty, mothers need to stop watching the Lifetime Channel. There are some decent movies and it's definitely a great time-waster, but it sucks for the mother of any son. The prime example of this is “Cyber Seduction: His Other Life”, starring Jeremy Sumpter. It's a perfectly horrible movie; it is so horrible that it could set back male/female relations back several centuries if it was to be taken literally. The basic plot is a teenaged boy that gets so addicted to internet porn that he has problems relating to other teens. He manages to set up his ex-girlfriend's cell phone to get his fix, and another teenage boy calls him a pervert because of his addiction. When a teenaged boy calls you a pervert because of your interest in pornography, there is something wrong. At some point a woman tells the mother that she and her former husband got a divorce because she caught him looking at pornography. Once. And that was enough for them to get a divorce. (Makes you wonder what else was wrong in their marriage...)

But that's sort of the problem with the movie. It treats pornography as an evil unto itself, when it has a time and place; it does serve a useful purpose in our society. For teenage boys, it serves as the template of their future sexual relations, and what they hope to find. The good news is that they will grow past those small little dreams and they will eventually want a lot more to their relationships than a mere little romp, but they need to start somewhere. A little soft-core pornography goes a long way to jump-starting a boy's imagination, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. It also demonstrates a healthy curiosity about sexuality, and that's not necessarily a bad thing as long as parents recognize that and help the boy make good decisions about it. Now, if he starts getting into the hard-core stuff...well, therapy would be a very good start.

There is the argument about the objectification of women, but it's interesting that women objectify men all the time and it's no problem. Just think of the male exotic dancers, Harlequin romances, and romcoms; all of these simplify the relationship with men down to how attractive the guy is, and that's essentially not better or worse than a girlie mag. At the very least you can't argue, successfully anyway, that you aren't looking at men in those media as more than just cardboard cut-outs compared to the real thing. Ultimately a little objectification is fine as long as you realize that it's just objectification.That is, we need to objectify some men and women, we need to render them down to an archetype, so that we better define people we meet in terms of those archetypes. How many men get described as just Clive Owen, as opposed to Clive Owen with the take-charge personality of Jeremy Straithern

However, I still think that the old solution is best; moms should shout outrage over finding them and then throw them away, while dads should wax nostalgic while throwing them away. It's all part of the game, but at least you should be happy that he's at least looking. Don't encourage him, but don't exactly discourage him, either.