A father's son represents his immortality; not only the kid represent
his genetic immortality, but also that of what he values the most. He
teaches his son what he hopes will survive to the next generation, and
instills in him that which he hopes will help him However, he is most
tempted to take out his son during adolescence.
There are several complaints that seem to follow every generation:
The most amusing part is that every generation has had the same issues with the generation following it. It's almost scary how regular these complaints come up. Adolescents are always going to come off as being disrespectful; if you had to boil down the essence of what an adolescent, does it is to push boundaries, and being disrespectful is part of that. However, keep in mind that they will learn respect the hard way, and thus learn respect; just give them time and the hard knocks that come with it. By the same token, bear in mind that they will get over their apparent selfishness as they learn better teamwork, and to value the strength that it gives.
Just as generations past have risen to deal with the problems that they were presented with, so shall the current generation. They will probably use different solutions than your generation did, but they also have more technology than your generation did, and each generation tends to think in different terms than the generation prior, just as that generation did the generation prior to it. In essence, the new generation is just as unlikely to destroy itself as was the generation prior to it, and yet we're all still here. Sorry about the music, but there are worse things that could have happened, right?
However, one constant is that fathers and sons will always come into conflict. It's simply that the son has to establish his independence, and he thinks that, at some level, he has to rebel against his father at some point. This should not be seen as some form of regressive behavior, but as a natural consequence of growing up. It's not just the hormones (even though it may be fed by it); there's also psychological reasons for it as well; the boy doesn't see himself as able to stand on his own unless he is able to stand up for himself, and obviously the first person he needs to stand up to his father, who represents repression of his independence. As such, you should not only allow for the rebellion, but encourage it a bit. It's the first few steps into manhood, and as such marks an important part of the journey.
Some fathers will seek to decrease or eliminate the kid's need for conflict; this is poor parenting and the sign of a weak father. This is an important part of childhood, and should not be seen as something to be ignored or put aside. Although I appreciate that some fathers don't like conflict, and don't like it, they need to realize that conflict is part of the human condition and is a necessary part of growth. It's interesting that people try to eliminate conflict because they think that humanity would be better without it, but don't bother to understand why it happens.
It should be noted that victory is not important, only that the father recognize that the boy has a different opinion than the father. The point of the conflict is not for the boy to win, but for the boy to advance. By changing his father's perspective on him, the boy gets what he needs. At the same time, so does the father; he gains an extra pair of hands and eyes, as well as the first glimmers that he is raising a man and not a mere automaton. The father also gains someone who is not afraid to contradict him, and that can be just as valuable, as it keeps the father from becoming too staid in his decisions and willing to try new things at his son's request.
That's something that you need to meditate on, that rebellion is an important part of the boy establishing his own place in the order, outside of his father's. It's not just a need for territory, but a need to establish himself as an entity apart from his parents. And that's an important step for the son as well as for that father....
There are several complaints that seem to follow every generation:
- This generation is more disrespectful than mine.
- This generation will destroy itself.
- This generation has so many more problems to face than mine.
- The music of this generation is the worst ever.
- This generation is far more selfish than mine ever was.
- How can the kids of today ever hope to deal with the world of tomorrow?
The most amusing part is that every generation has had the same issues with the generation following it. It's almost scary how regular these complaints come up. Adolescents are always going to come off as being disrespectful; if you had to boil down the essence of what an adolescent, does it is to push boundaries, and being disrespectful is part of that. However, keep in mind that they will learn respect the hard way, and thus learn respect; just give them time and the hard knocks that come with it. By the same token, bear in mind that they will get over their apparent selfishness as they learn better teamwork, and to value the strength that it gives.
Just as generations past have risen to deal with the problems that they were presented with, so shall the current generation. They will probably use different solutions than your generation did, but they also have more technology than your generation did, and each generation tends to think in different terms than the generation prior, just as that generation did the generation prior to it. In essence, the new generation is just as unlikely to destroy itself as was the generation prior to it, and yet we're all still here. Sorry about the music, but there are worse things that could have happened, right?
However, one constant is that fathers and sons will always come into conflict. It's simply that the son has to establish his independence, and he thinks that, at some level, he has to rebel against his father at some point. This should not be seen as some form of regressive behavior, but as a natural consequence of growing up. It's not just the hormones (even though it may be fed by it); there's also psychological reasons for it as well; the boy doesn't see himself as able to stand on his own unless he is able to stand up for himself, and obviously the first person he needs to stand up to his father, who represents repression of his independence. As such, you should not only allow for the rebellion, but encourage it a bit. It's the first few steps into manhood, and as such marks an important part of the journey.
Some fathers will seek to decrease or eliminate the kid's need for conflict; this is poor parenting and the sign of a weak father. This is an important part of childhood, and should not be seen as something to be ignored or put aside. Although I appreciate that some fathers don't like conflict, and don't like it, they need to realize that conflict is part of the human condition and is a necessary part of growth. It's interesting that people try to eliminate conflict because they think that humanity would be better without it, but don't bother to understand why it happens.
It should be noted that victory is not important, only that the father recognize that the boy has a different opinion than the father. The point of the conflict is not for the boy to win, but for the boy to advance. By changing his father's perspective on him, the boy gets what he needs. At the same time, so does the father; he gains an extra pair of hands and eyes, as well as the first glimmers that he is raising a man and not a mere automaton. The father also gains someone who is not afraid to contradict him, and that can be just as valuable, as it keeps the father from becoming too staid in his decisions and willing to try new things at his son's request.
That's something that you need to meditate on, that rebellion is an important part of the boy establishing his own place in the order, outside of his father's. It's not just a need for territory, but a need to establish himself as an entity apart from his parents. And that's an important step for the son as well as for that father....
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