Why Alienation is Cool

Teenage is one of those things that we all suffer through individually. Up until now you had people that had shared in our life. When you hit a certain development point, so did your friends; you could thus discuss it with someone who was going through the same thing you were. However, puberty is different; you and your friends are going through it at different rates and so what is affecting you has probably already affected someone else or is about to affect someone else. Worse, there is no real predicting of which symptom will hit any of you next.

All of this creates an alienation from everyone you know. You are simply not as connected as you once were, and so you feel a little weird around your friends. This is fine; you are re-defining your relationships, even how you relate to people, and so there is going to be that disconnect for a little while. All it means is that you are re-evaluating your relationships, and that is not necessarily a bad thing. Looking at your relationships is not a bad thing; you need to look at the people you know and how they affect you every so often.

This means that elders you once trusted are looked at suspiciously. You are looking at friends to determine which will help you and which are hurting you. You are even looking at siblings and parents in a different light. Heck, you are even having what you think are weird thoughts about girls, and that is definitely not a bad thing.

Ultimately these are going to be some weird years for. You do not have the emotional security you used to, you can’t trust everyone around you completely, and that’s no doubt scary. However, realize that it’s not necessarily a bad thing, as it gives you a chance to redefine your relationships and to look at the people around you in a different light; although it can be scary, it can also be sort of cool, as you have a chance to really get to know people you know, and some of it may shock you, some of it may comfort you, but it is definitely going to make life interesting.

Gangsta Mentality

The need to make yourself look bigger than you actually is a given. You want to be tough, and the best way you see to do that is to act tough. Right now, the toughest characters out there are rappers, who have criminal records, know how to use guns, and apparently get all the women they want. For someone wanting to be tough this is not a bad example to emulate.

Now, I could go through and deconstruct the gangsta myth, but that’s not productive to the conversation. More to the point, boys have emulated their heroes since the time of the caveman; the most popular heroes have always been the stoic stranger who fought with his fists when a bigger weapon wasn’t available, and got the chicks. Instead, let’s look at how you can do better.

Let’s start with the firearms. First off, never hold a firearm sideways; it requires a lot more strength to make work and it’s never as accurate as it may seem. If you are going to use a firearm, make sure you have actual training with it; the less training you have the more likely you will become a statistic, and not in a good way.

If you really want to be someone who is trouble in a fight, versus in trouble in a fight, just wrestle with your friends a lot. If you can, take some martial arts classes. This should give you the experience and skills you need. Martial arts insruction comes with the added advantage that someone is actually keeping score, and you can be rewarded for fighting well. At the very least, you will use up some of that anger you’re carrying around.

If someone offers to teach you dirty fighting techniques, shake your head and just walk away; dirty fighting techniques work, but they tend to get you into more trouble than they are worth. After all, if you are beaten in a fair fight that’s the end of it, but if they had to cheat it just doesn’t feel ended. Also, the techniques are useless against most actual fighters; a decent wrestler won’t give you a chance to use them, and everyone else keeps enough space between you and them to really get them in. So avoid any kind of reliance on dirty fighting.

Never do drugs right before a fight. I’m trying to avoid the “Don’t use drugs” preaching, but there is nothing more sorry than a fight between two guys that are high on marijuana. If you’re going into a fight, drugs will only slow you down or cause you to make worse decisions than normal. You’ll want to get into the middle of things, and that never leads anywhere good. Worse, when it becomes apparent that the only solution is to run away, you’ll take on whoever is there, up to and including the cops. Cops versus drug-infused kid: Never a good thing.

And never wear sagging jeans. Regardless of whether or not your believe that it was a trend started by prisoners looking to get lucky, it’s a bad strategic move. If you get into a fight, your pants limit your mobility; if you want to run, help a friend, or get into the center of the action, you can’t because your pants get in the way. On the other hand, if dating girls is something you are trying to avoid, you just found the perfect way to do so; nothing makes a girl less interested in a boy than seeing his pants below his waistline.

So, find a way to be tough, but do it in your own way. Learn to fight, preferably from someone who already knows how. Don’t rely on movies and rap videos for your firearms techniques. Drugs are bad when you need to focus. And please learn to wear a belt properly. This is one time knowing basic fashion may save your life.

Tribal Mentality

As puberty hits you are going to want to hang out with kids that are going through it as well or with those that have. This makes sense; you want people that know what you are going through or from whom you can get advice about it, and you have a problem associating with those who have no idea what’s going on, such as little kids. This is the so-called tribal mentality, and it’s going to be more intense as you hit adolescence.

There is some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are able to grab some wisdom from the older kids and confirm that someone else is going through the same things you are; all of this tightens bonds within the group. Those bonds give you an added edge; it means that you can slap others down when they get into their drama, as well as get slapped down yourself. The advice will occasionally be horrible, and there may be fighting and hazing, but that’s not always a bad thing.

The bad news is that sometimes a gang mentality is a bad thing. Someone will suggest something stupid and everyone else will agree with it, well, because you don’t disagree with everyone else and boredom. Peer pressure can make you do weird things; you want to be part of the gang and that eagerness will make you do whatever the group says, especially to impress the others. If there is a leader who happens to be bigger than everyone else, especially who can fight, you are going to want to impress even more, either hoping he will teach you something cool or out of fear.

If the situation hits the point where you are being damaged or are damaging someone else, get out of the situation ASAP. If you can’t figure a way out, ask an adult. If you’ve been threatened if you seek an escape, definitely tell an adult; leaders and followers need to respect each other, and if you no longer respect the leader there is no reason to follow him. You need to get out of the situation if there is no more respect, and sometimes you need help; do not be afraid to ask for it. Yeah, your parents will be mad at you, but most of the time it’s because you didn’t ask for help before it got so bad; trust me, a good parent expects you to do something stupid because they did stupid stuff when they were your age.

Doing stupid stuff is part of being a kid. Parents expect it to happen. Admit the mistake, deal with the punishment; the weird part is that sometimes the punishment will save your butt.

Keep in mind that the first people you are likely to sharpen your claws on are those closest to you. In other words, fights among friends can get pretty intense, both verbal and physical, and expect that it will happen every so often.   You may have to deal with hurt feelings, but they will heal; it’s just like dealing with fights with your brother or sister. So if there are fights in your gang, deal with it, move past it, and laugh about it later.

Being part of a gang can actually be one of the best parts of your life. You’re creating a history with people that aren’t your family, and that’s the best part of it. Just keep in mind that if it gets too deep, it’s time to cut and run. But do join a gang. It’s just something you need to do, and you’ll generally love the experience.