Tribal Mentality

As puberty hits you are going to want to hang out with kids that are going through it as well or with those that have. This makes sense; you want people that know what you are going through or from whom you can get advice about it, and you have a problem associating with those who have no idea what’s going on, such as little kids. This is the so-called tribal mentality, and it’s going to be more intense as you hit adolescence.

There is some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are able to grab some wisdom from the older kids and confirm that someone else is going through the same things you are; all of this tightens bonds within the group. Those bonds give you an added edge; it means that you can slap others down when they get into their drama, as well as get slapped down yourself. The advice will occasionally be horrible, and there may be fighting and hazing, but that’s not always a bad thing.

The bad news is that sometimes a gang mentality is a bad thing. Someone will suggest something stupid and everyone else will agree with it, well, because you don’t disagree with everyone else and boredom. Peer pressure can make you do weird things; you want to be part of the gang and that eagerness will make you do whatever the group says, especially to impress the others. If there is a leader who happens to be bigger than everyone else, especially who can fight, you are going to want to impress even more, either hoping he will teach you something cool or out of fear.

If the situation hits the point where you are being damaged or are damaging someone else, get out of the situation ASAP. If you can’t figure a way out, ask an adult. If you’ve been threatened if you seek an escape, definitely tell an adult; leaders and followers need to respect each other, and if you no longer respect the leader there is no reason to follow him. You need to get out of the situation if there is no more respect, and sometimes you need help; do not be afraid to ask for it. Yeah, your parents will be mad at you, but most of the time it’s because you didn’t ask for help before it got so bad; trust me, a good parent expects you to do something stupid because they did stupid stuff when they were your age.

Doing stupid stuff is part of being a kid. Parents expect it to happen. Admit the mistake, deal with the punishment; the weird part is that sometimes the punishment will save your butt.

Keep in mind that the first people you are likely to sharpen your claws on are those closest to you. In other words, fights among friends can get pretty intense, both verbal and physical, and expect that it will happen every so often.   You may have to deal with hurt feelings, but they will heal; it’s just like dealing with fights with your brother or sister. So if there are fights in your gang, deal with it, move past it, and laugh about it later.

Being part of a gang can actually be one of the best parts of your life. You’re creating a history with people that aren’t your family, and that’s the best part of it. Just keep in mind that if it gets too deep, it’s time to cut and run. But do join a gang. It’s just something you need to do, and you’ll generally love the experience.