Territory is a common theme when it comes to adolescents. When you were younger, you didn't really have any territory. That is, all of your bounds were set by other people; where you could play, how long you could stay there, and even who you could play with were decided by others. You lacked even basic privacy as anyone could check in on you at any time. As you got older you got more control over your environment: You could pick your own friends, you could play where and when you wanted (albeit within certain restrictions and with permission to go there), and you could insist on being left alone in some situations.
You used to define your territory in terms of things that you played with, and then your physical area that you lived in. Eventually that spread to your toys areas and then people you knew became part of your territory. However, you still shared it with others, even your toys. Sure, you had one or two that no one else, but in general it was "territory" only in the sense that it was your stomping grounds, the people you knew, and the toys you liked to play with. You had no ownership; it all belonged to someone else other than you and that was fine.
Now that you've hit puberty things get really weird. One of the big things is that now you have ownership. If someone messes with your favorite park, you get ticked. If someone messes with your belongings, even your old toys, you have no problem glaring at the person messing with them.On the other hand, if something great happens to your house you feel a sense of pride in the happening. Sure, you may be a junior owner with legal rights in the situation, but people had best respect that they are messing with your territory.
This has some interesting side effects. If someone attacks someone from the same neighborhood, you'll defend that person even if you hate the guy. If the local park needs cleaning up, odds are you'll show up to help. You just feel an attachment to the area, and you feel out of place when you are away from it. Understandably there are areas and objects that are high priority to you, and everything else in your territory is prioritized all the way down to the lowest priority.
This applies to your friends as well; you have your best friends and then everyone else is prioritized based on enemies, aids, allies, and people that are just in the background. The closer the person is to you the more important they are to you, and the more likely you are to defend that person, as well as give that person a hard time; an emotional investment goes both ways. It's also why boys like people that insult them; you never put any effort into people you don't like.
But...the point is that you have actual territory, even if it's technically not yours, and you are willing to do whatever it takes to defend that territory. For some reason that includes your friends, and that need to defend your friends explains a lot of your interaction with other people; someone says something that even sounds insulting about your friends and you are all over them like white on rice. This can make for some interesting social situations, as insults need to be avoided on all sides while at the same time establishing that there is some respect for the territory for all sides, especially when there is some debate over who owns what exactly.
For now, just realize that such territory exists, and that you need to be aware of what territory is claimed on both sides. The good news is that some people become friends based on shared territory as they band together to defend it, both the physical area and people, even as others find themselves in dispute. Always try to become friends with those who share the same territory; even if there are rivalries they can always be friendly ones. When it comes down to it, having multiple defenders is always better than just one ....
You used to define your territory in terms of things that you played with, and then your physical area that you lived in. Eventually that spread to your toys areas and then people you knew became part of your territory. However, you still shared it with others, even your toys. Sure, you had one or two that no one else, but in general it was "territory" only in the sense that it was your stomping grounds, the people you knew, and the toys you liked to play with. You had no ownership; it all belonged to someone else other than you and that was fine.
Now that you've hit puberty things get really weird. One of the big things is that now you have ownership. If someone messes with your favorite park, you get ticked. If someone messes with your belongings, even your old toys, you have no problem glaring at the person messing with them.On the other hand, if something great happens to your house you feel a sense of pride in the happening. Sure, you may be a junior owner with legal rights in the situation, but people had best respect that they are messing with your territory.
This has some interesting side effects. If someone attacks someone from the same neighborhood, you'll defend that person even if you hate the guy. If the local park needs cleaning up, odds are you'll show up to help. You just feel an attachment to the area, and you feel out of place when you are away from it. Understandably there are areas and objects that are high priority to you, and everything else in your territory is prioritized all the way down to the lowest priority.
This applies to your friends as well; you have your best friends and then everyone else is prioritized based on enemies, aids, allies, and people that are just in the background. The closer the person is to you the more important they are to you, and the more likely you are to defend that person, as well as give that person a hard time; an emotional investment goes both ways. It's also why boys like people that insult them; you never put any effort into people you don't like.
But...the point is that you have actual territory, even if it's technically not yours, and you are willing to do whatever it takes to defend that territory. For some reason that includes your friends, and that need to defend your friends explains a lot of your interaction with other people; someone says something that even sounds insulting about your friends and you are all over them like white on rice. This can make for some interesting social situations, as insults need to be avoided on all sides while at the same time establishing that there is some respect for the territory for all sides, especially when there is some debate over who owns what exactly.
For now, just realize that such territory exists, and that you need to be aware of what territory is claimed on both sides. The good news is that some people become friends based on shared territory as they band together to defend it, both the physical area and people, even as others find themselves in dispute. Always try to become friends with those who share the same territory; even if there are rivalries they can always be friendly ones. When it comes down to it, having multiple defenders is always better than just one ....
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