The Mind Changes

As puberty hits, there are going to be a number of mental changes as well. Although you have already been shifting your thoughts somewhat, the mental changes are going to hit like a tsunami, and you never know what will trigger them. A lot of these changes will be emotional, and are due in part to hormone issues. You are also going to start looking beyond yourself a bit; a few years ago you supported the team because you could get an award or because snitching could get you beaten up, but now you act as a team for mutual survival or because you support the team in general.

In short, you are thinking on entirely different levels than you used to.

This means that you are thinking about medium range plans rather than just short term, and this needs to be noted. A nine-year-old's planning asks three questions: "Does it hurt?", "Can I get away with it?", and "Will it be fun?" He is looking for the first to be "no" and the others to be "yes." An adolescent starts asking, "Will the consequences will be worth it?" In other words, if you get a broken arm, will it be worth falling off a building? Thoughts of glory and girls no doubt makes it worth it, and so it's acceptable. Threats of death or confinement, however, are more useful; even as immortal as you may feel, you want to be able to do things, and they both put definite restrictions on what you can do.

You are also starting to think about life after school and what you want to do. Skateboarding is fun, but there is a debate over how good you really are. There are a number of issues under debate, especially as the reality of some childhood dreams begin to sink in, and you begin to start training for some future job.

As a young kid you wanted things NOW. You are now willing to accept THEN, and that's a major shift. So, now we get to explore your altered perceptions.

Physical Basics

Growing up is hard to do, unless you are a teenage boy. If you are a teenager, then it is your biggest nightmare. So let's talk about growing up.

Height

You are going to get taller. This is going to cause a lot of problems and sooner more likely than later. The first issue is that you are a lot more expensive to clothe, and not just because you want designer clothes. If your school forces you to wear uniforms, you parents are likely to dislike you now. A lot. You are also able to reach places you couldn't previously, and your parents are likely to notice it; you have a lot of new chores to learn how to do. You also no longer have the “too short” excuse when it comes to defending yourself. So expect a lot more fights, but at least your basketball scores should go up.

Weight

Most kids will lose baby fat as they hit the teen years. This is a good thing. Exult in it and endeavor to lose more. By the same token, you will most likely be hungry all of the time; this just means you need to keep an eye on your weight. However, this does not mean you should worry about your weight, and that your weight is usually fine. Be aware that boys have started to suffer from eating disorders in an attempt to look whatever they see as normal or sexy; as long as you are not ridiculously fat or ludicrously thin, you are fine. Don't worry about your weight unless you have actually talked to a doctor about it.

Physical Exercise

Go to gym class. Enjoy it. It's easy to feel self-conscious; there's a reason pubescent boys are called “coltish”; their legs are longer than they should be, they are thin as rails, and there is usually little meat on them. Because of growth, they are also a lot clumsy; there is a reason they don't want to dance with girls --- they may step on them. Gym class will help with a lot of that. You will become surer with your body, you will grow out of that clumsy stage, and you will be fine.

So, yeah. You are not the paragon of grace right now. But eventually you will grow into your body. It'll change again, and you'll grow into again. So be it. Do not let it get you down!

Nutrition

Nutrition is going to be a weird issue for you. Because of all of your physical issues, hunger will be a constant companion. Your body is using the protein and carbs in your food to build your body, especially if you are physically active. This is where you need to start listening to your body, and grab what it tells you to grab. However...

First off, pay attention to what your nutrition teacher taught you, and keep to the pyramid. Sure, you can argue about the amount of vegetables and bread, but you're going to need all of those vitamins and carbs. If you are a normal boy, you're going to want protein; it's a cheap source of energy, and it's readily available in the form of delicious sweet meat. However, you need more than protein, so keep to a well-rounded diet.

Second, you can do better than energy drinks and soda. I'm a big fan of my soft drinks, so I understand the reasons for wanting to drink these all of the time. However, the soda can cause health risks as well as dental ones, and the high off energy drinks is a cheap one; you can get a better high of doing some exercise. It does not help that your system is already amped up. We'll be dealing with sleep issues momentarily, but for now if you need an energy boost, take the hint and go take a nap.

Third, calories are your friend. I know you've heard nothing but bad when it comes to calories, but they just became your friend. For now, and until you hit eighteen or so, I'd advise eating a few more calories than normal. This is not to fatten you up, but to make sure that you have something to build a body with; if you find yourself getting fat, then just re-do the math. So, let's mathematical: Take 13. Add 1 if you are actually sedentary (if you are online a lot, for example), 3 if you do a lot of sports, and 2 if you are about average (video game players should apply here). Now, multiply by (in pounds) your current weight or the weight you have been told to aim for. This is how many calories you should be eating a day. So...an average 150-pound kid who goes to gym and plays video games should be eating (13+2=15; 15x150=) 2250 calories a day.

Fourth, eat healthy snacks. Not energy bars, or candy cars, but carrots and celery. It gets annoying, but they are better for you on a number of levels.

Insomnia

Okay, one of the changes is that you are wanting to go to sleep later and sleep in later as well. You will also want to sleep for fewer hours on weekdays and more on weekends. If this is not the case, you may want to discuss this issue with a doctor. However, you may have problems going to sleep in the first place, or find yourself tired a lot, and by tired I mean actually sleeping. If this is the case more than a few nights a month, you are either dealing with more stress than you can deal with, or its time to talk with a counselor. If you figure it's the stress, either decrease whatever is causing the stress or find a way to deal with it, such as just sitting the park for an hour. Too much stress is not good for you, and may actually be causing problems, especially with whatever is causing the stress. As such, you need to find an effective way of dealing with the stress or you're going to suffer in a lot of not-nice ways. So deal with it or run from it, but decrease it somehow.

Showers

School Showers

Different schools have different policies on school showers. A lot of schools have instituted a policy where boys don't need to shower or can shower in their shorts. Obviously, I'm firmly in the “take a shower” camp. If you can take a shower, the best two periods to take it are first and last; first period allows you to get your blood pumping early in the morning, so you're good for the rest of the day, as well as grab a quick shower before your first academic class, and last period allows you to be clean for whatever you have planned that afternoon.

As for the nudity, this is where things start to get weird. You need to get comfortable with your body, and the best way to do that is just take showers with guys. If you don't like your body, realize that you can train some and what you can't train you can't do anything about. A shower may be embarrassing the first few times, but you'll get over it. Some modesty is cool; that's fine. But you need to be comfortable with who you are, and the first step is being willing to be naked in front of people you know. You can argue that your equipment isn't the same as what you see, but it's a bogus argument when it comes to showers. So get naked if you can; it will help your self-confidence on a number of levels.

Inappropriate Nudity

Okay, so I'm advocating for nudity in showers and some swimming situations. But where do I stand on nudity in general? That's complicated. You have hit on one of your more exhibitionist ages; on one hand you want to hide what you have because it's just so weird, but on the other you want to show off your new equipment. After all, you're finally a man, and you want to show it off. It doesn't help that you know if you want to play doctor with that hot person over there, you going to have show yours to see hers.

All of this fine; it's a very healthy reaction. Feeling comfortable to walk around in nothing but underwear at home, especially if it's a hot day, is even okay. However, there is a limit. If everyone else is wearing something, even swimwear, so should you be. Some people prefer nudity; in and of itself, that's fine. The problem is when you feel charged or a little excited when you are naked; if that's the case, you may be an exhibitionist, and it may be time to seek some counseling. I'm obviously not advocating against naturism; I'm just saying that it should feel natural, and if you are feeling sexually charged there is nothing natural about it. Just something to consider...

Another issue is when you are around a group of guys, and they require you to be naked all the time, especially if it's just you, then you may want to re-think your friendship. Don't take me too literally on this; skins vs. shirts games and skinnydipping with just the guys doesn't count here. But if they insist on your undressing, even partially, then there may be something else going on, possibly attempts at molesting you, and so you should really think about why you are hanging around those guys.

Overall, just remember that your body is yours, and try to keep that in mind. It won't get you out of school showers, but it should make life a lot easier for you. At least in the long run...

Private Parts II

Dealing With The Beast in Your Pants

This is not the sex talk; that will take up a lot of space, and you're not ready for that. This is about masturbation. There are a number of techniques, but the best is a hand lotion to avoid chapping, a tissue to catch the ejaculate, and a shower afterwards. However, we're not here to talk about technique or morality, but we will get into the morality aspect at a later date.

An issue that does not need to be dealt with the amount you do it. On one hand you will not explode if you don't do it; wet dreams will take care of any issues in that regard, and shifting thoughts will deal with erections faster and without the embarrassment of getting caught in public. On the flip side, there is the possibility of doing it too much; besides the issue of having a chapped penis in a locker room, you can get addicted to masturbation if you do it too often, meaning that you have managed to pick up an actual neurosis. It can be a healthy sign of sexuality, and allows you to deal with sexual thoughts, but too much is unhealthy. If you end doing it more than a few times a week, seek counseling. The good news is that your palms won't get hairy and you won't become blind, but it is something you need to do with moderation.

The Uncircumcised

I feel sorry for the uncircumcised. If you haven't already, you need to get in the habit of cleaning your foreskin, preferably at least weekly. If you don't, it will smell and you won't like the smell. It's not that hard, and if you don't, you are likely to get an infection going, if you haven't already. There is also another potential complication: If you have an erection, and the foreskin is tight, so tight that it's painful, you need to talk to a doctor. It's somewhat common, and it's easy to deal with, so deal with it.

Dealing With Mom

Now is the time to learn how to do laundry. Trust me; it's a skill you will learn to appreciate as a teenage boy, and it makes your life a lot easier later on. However, for now just realize that will prevent a lot of embarrassed looks and even more embarrassing conversations. So just learn how to do laundry already. It's worth the extra work not having to deal with those embarrassing conversations.

Another issue you need to deal with is showering. You have a whole mess of problems to deal with now, and showering will deal with a lot of them. Your sweat glands have started producing musk; this is why your sweat smells so much. At one point that musk helped you get a mate, and in some cultures it still will. Sure, you can hide it with a deodorant, but you need to take a shower in order to get rid of it. Your body is also producing more oil; although there are some minor survival advantages, such as making you slippier and making your hair shinier and more attractive, it can also lead to acne and from there into whiteheads which can lead to scarring.

A quick shower not only feels good, but can also deal with these issues. Make it a warm shower, and it can ease sore muscles, which is a definite plus after a long day on the field. A good scrub can deal with a variety of problems, as well as give you a chance to give yourself a once-over to make sure you don't have any scratches or bruises you didn't know about. So get in the water, and love it!

Private Parts I

You are going to no doubt notice that there is a lot going on just below belt. This is where puberty is going to hit you hardest, because the changes here are the reason for puberty. Of all the new hair you have, this is area that scientists question the most, and has some of the wildest theories going on about, even as it seems to be the area most boys and men debate shaving off the most. However, we're going to ignore pubic hair; it really doesn't matter, and go straight to the heart of the problem.

Over the next few years, your penis is going to get longer, both in general and when it gets excited. You will no doubt make attempts to exercise it to get it even longer, but the bad news is that it takes an operation to make it longer, so don't worry about it too much; what you have is what you get. The reason for the erection is not muscle based, but because blood fills up part of the penis; because it's a material and not muscle, exercising it will not make it grow. So stop that before you go blind.

To answer a question I'm sure is going to come up, no; you can't pee when it its erect, and if you have to go it will hurt; the urethra is closed off like when you cinch a hose when you are erect. This means that you can't pee and ejaculate at the same time, and if you can, time to see a doctor.

And to answer the other question: No, you have no control over your erection. It may seem like its main job is to get you into trouble, but eventually you will find a use for it that doesn't make you the butt of some joke. For what it's worth, it happens to all of us, just deal with it. The best way to deal with it is to just let it pass; the more you worry about it the less likely it's going to go down. The reason “baseball”, or any other sport, is suggested is because when you think about sports you get lost in the fantasy, and stop thinking about the problematic erection, and so it disappears. So, if it's a problem, just think of your favorite activity and you should be good.

The testes will drop a little, but you won't notice that; it's in a place you can't see so you won't see it happen. What you may notice is that you can now ejaculate; it's a whitish liquid that sort of looks like hand lotion, and is a mix of semen and sperm. Odds are pretty good it's one of your first scary encounters with puberty, especially if you wake up and find it in your underwear. Most kids do the research and decide that they have somehow contracted gonorrhea, and panic. I'm telling you straight up: Expect to see it every so often. This “nocturnal emission” is normal; it's just a way for your body to get rid of excess sperm, and you're going to see it. Relax.

The Physical

Out of all of these, the easiest to explore is the physical aspects of puberty. Of course, they also lead to the most confusing aspects of the situation. Because they are the most obvious, they are also the most likely to get you into trouble as, well, boys compare what they have to what others have. The first to go through this process are usually the guys that scare you the most, so you're most likely to complain that bullies just keep getting stronger. The last will be made fun of, of course, even though they have little control of what happens. You hope that you are among the first half to undergo the fun process we call puberty.

Teenage Werewolves

Okay, so let's deal with the fun parts first. Over the next few years you are going to get more muscles and hair than you have ever had in your life. Accompanying this will be growing pains; as the muscles and bones stretch and grow you will occasionally experience a twinge of pain; just grin and bear as it will be over soon enough. You will also be a bit clumsier; you are adjusting to your new body, which means every so often you won't quite calculate things right. This means that you will be bumping your head (being taller than you were used to), tripping every so often (longer legs will do that), and even missing grabs you would have normally caught (longer arms sorta suck). It sucks to be you.

At the same time, you will love exercise even more as it gives you a way to exercise your new muscles. Few teenage boys willingly confine themselves indoors, and it's because biking and running are good for you. You will be wrestling more; the testosterone in your system has made you more aggressive, and wrestling takes the edge off that. You will also start really appreciating crafts, cars, and, well, anything that lets you build; it's not because you have a gene that makes you want to build something, but because it's not only a mental challenge, but because it helps get your out of control reflexes into focus. Video games provide the same sort of challenge/focus, so of course you love them. You may even take up body-building, as it's a way to deal with growing pains and testosterone, and make you look you better.

So no matter how much you hate gym class, and all of your gym clothing, odds are you are going to love the exercise. That's not a bad thing; enjoy it! It's good for you.

The Hair

You're going to notice the hair. You used to have some hair, but now it's going to become more obvious. Like every male before you, you are going to ask one question: WHY? Unfortunately, no scientist in the world can tell you. All we know for sure is that for some reason women like flowing hair, gorgeous beards and mustaches, and chest hair is a sign of manliness, so we have a good idea why head, facial, and chest hair are still part of the equation. However, the rest of it has scientists stumped, and it can actually be fun to track down some of the theories they have. So I'll be up front with you now: It's just a sign of all that testosterone in your system, and let's leave it at that, okay? Good.

The Basics

The problem with puberty is that it effects everyone at a different rate. This is not like a butterfly or frog where all of them advance at the same rate. Remember that as we go through this; this is a general guide, so be aware that not everyone is at the same stage, that different boys will go through different stages faster or slower than others, and that there is nothing to embarrassed about. Yes, some boys will inevitably turn it into a competition, but it really isn't. I know it's going to be hard to do, but try anyway.

The quicky version is that your body is being flooded with testosterone. This means that your body is going to see a number of physical changes, some of which will horrify you and some of which will make you happy. Let's just say that by the time the majority of changes are through, you will hardly remember yourself. At the same time, you are also undergoing some mental changes as well; on one hand they exaggerating your normal characteristics, but they are allowing you to look at the world differently, and usually in a good way.

Adding to this mess is the social component. While you are dealing with all of these mental and physical changes, you are also shifting from learning mode to doing mode; your body is making you a part of society whether you want to be one or not. Although you will always be learning things, you will now actually be able to take a meaningful part in society, and actually have a voice in what happens to not only you but those around you. This means that, while your mind and body are in a chaotic mess, your decisions now have import. Yeah; you now have the power to mess up your life on a level you've never had before.

So....there you have it. The basics. You should be running for the hills, as any one of these areas is enough to make a kid scared. Let's explore these a bit, shall we?

Final Word For Parents...for Now

Okay, this is the last chapter for parents, for now anyway. The important thing to realize is that your teenage son is not the little boy he used to be. This is not to say that you need to treat him with kid gloves, just be aware that your role in his life is changing. You need to stop being the one making his choices for him, and start letting him make more of his own choices. He needs to make some mistakes, and you need to give him the freedom to make those mistakes. This isn't necessarily a bad thing; it means that he makes those mistakes in a situation where you can help him correct them, and he makes them before they really start counting against him.

Putting it another way: At this stage of the game, stealing apples is still seen as cute, and any good farmer allows for a certain loss. Also, defeating the farmer's security measures shows initiative and ingenuity. Am I encouraging the theft of someone else's livelihood? No, and I would expect for any decent parents to punish the kid if he gets caught. However, it would be sort of unusual to levy the same punishment (getting shot at, jail time) that you would for older offenders; the motivation for the two is not only completely different (solving a puzzle, get a reward versus survival) but they understand the situation differently (the kids see a challenge whereas the older offender sees it as a selfish situation).

Good parents hope that they can help their kids as much as possible. Bad ones, not so much. The good parents see the kids as extensions of themselves, and that they represent another chance, however vicarious, to see what they would have done. But there is also the fun of seeing kids plot their own courses and see where they would end up; to see what decisions are the same, which are different, and to look at the decision-making promise as it develops. It has been said that kids are getting smarter every year; IQ tests need to be reset every twenty years or so because of this. And yet, kids still make the same stupid decisions that they have been making for the last millennia. Kids still get hurt doing stupid things, kids still get pregnant, and kids still tick off their parents; this will probably never change. Parents eyes roll, they swear at their progeny, they still wonder what they ever did to deserve this; this also will probably never change.

So do parents do it? Because for every tear there is a laugh, for every swear there is praise, and for every moment of frustration there is one of enlightenment. But this is isn't a zero sum game; parents get plenty back from their investment. If nothing else they find someone they enjoy being around, someone to help hold off the darkness a little while longer, someone that can make their life a little more interesting. And for most, that makes it all worthwhile.

If all else fails, they can always try again. Possibly adopting this time...

Mom And The Lifetime Channel

When your son hits puberty, mothers need to stop watching the Lifetime Channel. There are some decent movies and it's definitely a great time-waster, but it sucks for the mother of any son. The prime example of this is “Cyber Seduction: His Other Life”, starring Jeremy Sumpter. It's a perfectly horrible movie; it is so horrible that it could set back male/female relations back several centuries if it was to be taken literally. The basic plot is a teenaged boy that gets so addicted to internet porn that he has problems relating to other teens. He manages to set up his ex-girlfriend's cell phone to get his fix, and another teenage boy calls him a pervert because of his addiction. When a teenaged boy calls you a pervert because of your interest in pornography, there is something wrong. At some point a woman tells the mother that she and her former husband got a divorce because she caught him looking at pornography. Once. And that was enough for them to get a divorce. (Makes you wonder what else was wrong in their marriage...)

But that's sort of the problem with the movie. It treats pornography as an evil unto itself, when it has a time and place; it does serve a useful purpose in our society. For teenage boys, it serves as the template of their future sexual relations, and what they hope to find. The good news is that they will grow past those small little dreams and they will eventually want a lot more to their relationships than a mere little romp, but they need to start somewhere. A little soft-core pornography goes a long way to jump-starting a boy's imagination, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. It also demonstrates a healthy curiosity about sexuality, and that's not necessarily a bad thing as long as parents recognize that and help the boy make good decisions about it. Now, if he starts getting into the hard-core stuff...well, therapy would be a very good start.

There is the argument about the objectification of women, but it's interesting that women objectify men all the time and it's no problem. Just think of the male exotic dancers, Harlequin romances, and romcoms; all of these simplify the relationship with men down to how attractive the guy is, and that's essentially not better or worse than a girlie mag. At the very least you can't argue, successfully anyway, that you aren't looking at men in those media as more than just cardboard cut-outs compared to the real thing. Ultimately a little objectification is fine as long as you realize that it's just objectification.That is, we need to objectify some men and women, we need to render them down to an archetype, so that we better define people we meet in terms of those archetypes. How many men get described as just Clive Owen, as opposed to Clive Owen with the take-charge personality of Jeremy Straithern

However, I still think that the old solution is best; moms should shout outrage over finding them and then throw them away, while dads should wax nostalgic while throwing them away. It's all part of the game, but at least you should be happy that he's at least looking. Don't encourage him, but don't exactly discourage him, either.

Moms: Remember The Cuteness!

The biggest two problems that you're going to have are more fighting and he's going to be keeping secrets. He's got a lot of hormones, and they're going to express themselves whether you want them to or not. In fact, the more you try to suppress them, the more damage you're going to do. I know he's going to hate me saying so, but you need to look at him as a butterfly coming out of his cocoon; the more you try to keep him in that cocoon, the less able he's going to be fly on his own. You need to let him go if he's going to fly.

This is not to say that you need to release him into the wild just yet (though you might want to). Let him go in stages, and you'll be all right. The first steps are the hardest, just as his were; you're entering a whole new phase of parenting, and he's going to do his best to make it easy on you. Trust me: By the time he's eighteen, you're going to want to push him out of the nest. You may even want to strap a rocket on him to help. Now's the time to make sure that he cook, clean, and basically take care of himself. That said....

Boys Fight

There used to be a time where two boys could fight and people wouldn't even pay attention to it. Unfortunately, those times have changed. It wasn't because violence was condoned, but because it was seen as a reasonably harmless way for them to deal with their hormones. However, as society has matured (we hope!), violence has less and less of a place within it. If you can sublimate the need to fight by enrolling him in a martial arts class or sports, then you may be able to avoid a lot of the problems down the road.

However, you need to realize that, to a degree, boys can be violent. This isn't to say that you should encourage it, just that you should be there to bandage him up and be non-judgmental while doing it. As long as it's limited to bruises and scrapes, there is no reason for you to get involved, but you should definitely step in if cuts or broken bones are involved. Be very aware that you are walking a tightrope as a parent; you need to fight the natural urge to stop him from doing what he was doing in order to prevent loss of life and just hope that he learned his lesson. Otherwise, odds are he's just going to find more ways of getting hurt, and getting hurt worse. Note that this applies only if he's doing something legal; if it's gang-related or otherwise illegal, you need to step in and step in hard.

Boys have a lot of hobbies that involve the potential for injury, and so you need to be on top of things when bad things happen; if you don't have insurance, odds are pretty good you're going to hate this phase of your son's life. If an accident does happen, you need to act with all of the speed of a cheetah, and as quiet as an owl; he's expecting a lecture, and you want to give it to him, but you would hate yourself if your last words to him were a lecture. Feel free to glare, however, and save the lecture until he's safe and can't run away thanks to the IV.

I can't stress enough that a healthy boy is not going to make your life easy. He's going to be on the go, getting into things he shouldn't, doing things you wish he had never heard of, and giving your heart a regular work-out. But...that's raising a healthy boy.

Adolescence and Information Control

Boys don't keep secrets. They practice information control. There IS a difference; secrets keep people from getting information, whereas controlling who gets what information helps streamline the process as you don't have to repeat unneeded information more than needed. Let's just say that there is a reason that boys understand the “need to know” concept.

It's important to understand this when it comes to boys and their bodies. When it comes to injuries, they know that you are going to react in extreme fashion when it comes to relatively minor things like broken arms; you're going to restrict him and otherwise make it difficult for him to repeat it. Besides being bad parenting (see above), it's going to add to the inborn persecution complex. And if they know that is your standard reaction, imagine how they think that you would react to something of actual importance, like puberty.

Because of this, you're going to be out of the loop a lot. He's going to be doing a lot of things and he's not going to be telling you more details than are absolutely necessary to get a ride from you there. It's not because he doesn't respect you; in a weird yet basic way, his counting on you is a form of respect. Even after ticking you off, he's going to hope that you'll be driving to the dance, but that's kids for you.

When it comes to his changes, he's not sure of what's happening to him, but he has a general idea. He's not going to like not having the facts to tell you what's going on, so he's going to avoid telling you until he does in order to not make you nervous; if it freaks him out, he can only imagine how you would react. However, rather than pressing the situation, you need to learn when to give him room. You need to loosen the strings a bit and let him figure things out on his own, just like you did when his reports were due. He needs that space now more than ever, and it's going to help not only build his confidence by accomplishing things on his own.

Just remember how cute he was when he was young, and you should be okay...

Laundry and the Mother of a Teenager

Okay, so now it's the mother's turn....

Laundry?
It may sound silly, but you need to teach your son laundry. You're going to need to do it sometime, and if he's going to slip something red into the whites, it's better he do it when you can show him what bleach is all about.

However, the parental paradox inserts itself rather rudely here. As a mother you want to do small things for your son so that you ensure that he's your little boy. There's also the logistical issues of having to deal with a lot of laundry on a weekly basis, especially when there are a lot of boys trying to deal with their own laundry. So obviously there are a number of good reasons for you to do the laundry, right?

Nope.

Your son is probably having to deal with just his homework and probably some team sport, and that's about it. He may include video games, hanging out, and exaggerate his chores, but those don't count, and you as a parent shouldn't allow them. By the same token, all you have are excuses as to why he shouldn't be doing his own laundry; he has time, and you don't. You may, but that doesn't matter; he has the time do a little extra, and he should be taking responsibility for his messes sometime. Now is that time.

More importantly, he's hitting some interesting times, and he's going to want more privacy for dealing with his physical issues. It's not that he's necessarily keeping secrets, it that he doesn't know how to deal with the situation and he simply doesn't want to embarrass himself. This should not be seen as an affront to your parenting skills by any stretch; he just recognizes that you're ability to help him has shrunk because you lack the experience that he needs. It's easy to say that puberty hits boys and girls, but you need to realize that puberty for boys is different than for girls (no menarche to begin), and that he's dealing with an entirely different set of expectations (for example, causing pregnancy rather than being pregnant).

Even though a lot of advice may go both ways, your kid isn't going to be listening to you as much, especially if you've done your job right. You should have taught your son critical reasoning; to go to the best expert he can get his hands on and the most applicable to his situation. In this case, a mother isn't the best or most applicable expert when it comes to boys undergoing puberty. If he wants to know how girls think, or how to impress them, then you are his, um, man.

The best thing that you can do is just give him space, let him know that you're there if he needs to talk about girls, and, most importantly of all, teach him about laundry.

[To put this in a more clinical fashion: At the very least, your son is going to be dealing with nocturnal emissions, voluntary or otherwise. This can be a source of embarrassment for your son, as he either doesn't know what causes them, or (even worse) does know what is causing them. If he doesn't know, then the splotches that appear in his shorts are a source of embarrassment, and, to some degree, fear. At the other extreme, he likes the pleasure caused by them, but is embarrassed discuss them with you. Teaching him to do his own laundry isn't just an object in cleaning up his own messes; it prevents a lot of embarrassing discussions with his mother. And no matter how loving or open you are, it's only going to cause him embarrassment and to close up even more. Just teach him how to do laundry, and you'll not only have a bonding moment, but you'll teach a valuable skill as well.]

Running With The Pack

Another consideration is that he should not be confiding in you as much at this age. He should be seeking outside sources or depending on the male figure in his life. He needs the experiences of his peers and elders, as he needs to know what to expect and how to plan for it. Your instincts on what is important to him are generally going to be contradictory to what he needs, no matter how well-intentioned. It may be bad advice under normal situations, but you need to let boys be boys;  he needs space, and you won't be helping him to keep under your apron. Be seeking to control him and keep him close, he loses something vital that he needs much later on. He needs allies and confidants his own age, and, if he is going to develop normally, he needs a chance to get them.

Your kid will do fine if you let him have the chance. You need to let him succeed or fail on his own some time, and the best time is when you can help pick up the pieces. Keep that in mind before you limit him to where you can see him. He needs to run, not stay; he's not a plant that does well under observation and constant care, but a wolf that requires room to run and others to run with, but a place to sleep that he knows is safe. So let him run, and he should come back to you. Keep him chained, and he'll run as far away as he can when he gets the chance.

One other thing: Things are going to get hairy during this age; he's going to push everything to the limit because he needs to know his limits. He knows that they've increased. He's capable of taking on greater responsibility and he knows it. You need to recognize that as well; it may be easier to keep him in line, but he's going to hate you and disrespect you for it. If you respect him, he's going to respect you, and that means that any argument you get into will have limits. If there is mutual respect, then he is willing to let you win and even back down. And that can be worth it in the long run....


Doctors and Your Son

Oh, and it may come up, so: Make sure his doctor is a guy. This isn't as sexist as it may seem. When he was younger, any doctor would do. However, he's gong to have a possibility of a certain physical reaction when touched by a female physician, especially when he's in nothing but his underwear. Meaning that he's not going to be giving accurate readings to her instruments. In order to eliminate this issue, get him a male doctor as soon as you can.

Just remember the laundry, please!

Dads & Sons: The Good News, Sorta

Now that you know why you want to kill your father, there is some good news. Sort of.

Traditions
The first is that you are more receptive to traditions. Because of the sheer tumultuousness of puberty, you are looking for a rope to keep you tethered to reality. As such, traditions do a splendid job of this. As they link you to the past, they create a psychological anchor that you can hold on to even as the rest of your life seems to be changing into something that you can't handle. They remind you that others have survived, and that you will as well.

Better yet, they are also a useful way for lessons and information to be passed down to you that would be more difficult in other ways. Families with a hunting tradition, for example, usually teach the kid a lot about hunting at this age, from tracking to dressing to killing the animal. your father and other relatives are going to see this as a last chance to teach you about anything except sex, and will take full advantage of it. As such, expect a lot of arcane knowledge to be passed down at this stage. Of course, also expect a lot of hazing at this stage and try to enjoy it.

New Responsibilities
You also have new abilities at this age, and those abilities are of use to your family. Not only are bigger, and thus stronger, you are also more patient, able to follow instructions better, and basically capable of dealing with bigger responsibilities. As such, you will be helping with families more as well as doing more. You should actually encourage this new abuse, as it will allow you to learn habits that will serve you well in later years. You now start establishing yourself and creating your own reputation, and one that is separate from your father's or other brothers.

At the same time it also presents you with new areas in which to mess up and lose control. The good news that it is expected; any intelligent person knows that  someone new to something will screw up and that it's just a matter of time. The key question is not how badly you will screw up, but how you handle it. Learn to be patient with yourself, and don't be too embarrassed when you do screw up, and you should be fine. And, yes, you will be angry at yourself; that's fine and people will expect it. Just don't wallow in it too much.

Warning Label!
You may want fathers to read this part!

Here's the fun part: The two of you are engaging on a journey where the rules have changed. It's important to recognize that the rules have changed, or are changing, and that you need to allow for those changes. You're not yet a full adult, and some room needs to be allowed for you to make mistakes. At the same time, you need to opportunity to make those mistakes as well. On one hand you need to be given more leeway, but that you also need to show more of your reasoning before you do things, at least until others are assured of your ability to deal with those greater responsibilities.

Something that needs to be noted is that the relationship is changing from adult/kid to adult/adult. The boy is becoming capable of making more adult decisions, but still needs a firm hand. You can let them off on their own, but make sure that they check in every so often.

Turning 13 isn't some mystical magical number where you all of a sudden have greater insight. You need to recognize that there will be increased friction between you and your father; there will be numerous times where you think that you deserve greater leeway, and yet he may not see it that way. You need to learn how to bargain, but also trust in your father's judgment when you aren't given what you want. You're too old to act like a spoiled child, but you also also need to learn how to persist but when to back down. Learn all of that, and you should do well over the next few years. Remember that logic should rule your actions, even though emotions may be more fun. After all, the goal of this guide is to help you survive until 18!

Fathers vs. Sons: Territorial Issues

Obviously, most of the issues between fathers and sons are because the sons are now trying to define their own territory. Fortunately, there are several different kinds of territory.

Physical Territory

This is the obvious one, but not necessarily the most appropriate. Eventually, the boy will need his own territory; until then, he is more than willing to share it with others. The werewolf analogy is rather appropriate for boys of this age;  they tend to be more of the wolf pack mentality rather than bear. Once a boy starts to get serious about dating, he'll be more interested in his own territory, so that he can decorate how he wants and for the obvious privacy. Until then, he'll prefer to do things as part of a group rather than by himself.

However, this does mean that he'll be interested in defending his shared territory. The boy will be more willing to die in order to defend his family and home; after all, he now feels that he has to prove himself, and he also has reason to do so: By proving himself a good defender he will also prove himself ready to be considered a man. Consider the difference in video games and movies: He is not interested in platform jumpers and puzzle-solving games, and prefers first-person shooters and fighting games. He is no longer interested in kid movies, and prefers horror movies and violent movies. Although it could be argued that it desensititizes the kid, I think that it's worth pointing out that it's far better than the old-fashioned way, where the kid saw death meted out first-hand rather than symbolically. By running as a pack rather than solo, the boy is better able to defend the territory (strength in numbers and all that).

There are some obvious issues with running with a pack; the boy will leave all decisions to the pack's leader, and the pack leader will make decisions more to solidify his position and to maintain popularity. This means that, when he runs with the pack, his effective intelligence drops by half, natural cunning doubles, and his decisions will be based more on emotion; this explains why so many boys get in so much trouble at this age. However, this does mean that the boy is perfectly set up for the role that society has, until recently, needed the boy to fill: Cannon fodder. I know it sounds bad, but combine a group that is into guerrilla tactics, is focused only on proving themselves, and takes orders easily, and you have a group that any commanding officer would be proud to command.

In essence, because the boy is unable to have his own territory, he defends that which may be his. The bad news is that it means that gang behaviors are inevitable, but if you can find a way to shift those behaviors a bit you could have a reasonable powerful source for good. It's just a matter of giving the pack a goal that helps the neighborhood. It helps to look at the Boy Scouts as the largest gang ever: Survival skills, divided into packs, and a large number of solvable goals. Something to consider...

Mental Territory

This is generally the more applicable territory. The boy needs to define himself, and he can't exactly carve out a piece of the local landscape; the obvious alternative is to define himself as important, and the best way to do that is to carve out a niche for himself. The other reason that boys run as a pack is that it allows them to specialize in a particular skillset while at the same time being able to access different skills. You can develop the leader, the charmer, the brain, and the muscle, as well as other or more specialized niches, without really losing access to those skills.

It should be noted that the more academic types seem to be immune to this, but they tend to specialize into specific areas of study, with status based on how esoteric that specialization is. It may not seem logical to an outsider, or that it seems to be based on making oneself more useless, but keep in mind that those fields tend to be in  a weird situation: They have a practical application, but it's extremely limited. This is because boys tend to think in terms of physical skills, and so any skill that doesn't involve physical expression (lifting thing, making things, breaking things, or moving things) is basically useless anyway. Thus, going after the esoteric is just an extension of that; academic skills are useless, so let's just make it as useless as possible. Suffice to say that engineering is a great compromise between the physical and mental. Especially if you can make it engineering of some extinct race that built pyramids, like the Mayans.

This can provide a bridge as well as conflict. It can provide between father and son, as the son wants to learn everything about the skill from his father. This can thus be a great bonding experience. However, it can be a problem when the kid moves; he not only needs to find a pack that needs that skill, but also one that allows him his niche. It's because of this that boys don't like moving; there is no promise that they will find the right pack.

This also explains a lot of the rebelliousness, literal-mindedness and talking back that seems to accompany the teen-age years; the best way to establish your own niche is by destroying someone else's. If he's gong to be The Authority on something, then he needs to establish that there is a need for it, and so he needs to eliminate the current authority on something. Although the negative connotations are obvious (conflict always results in damage of some sort), there is an advantage: By pushing the current authority, norms are questioned and are therefore justified or changed. Allowing the boy to challenge authority should therefore be allowed, but limits should be placed on it; as such, that gives the boy the position of questioner, giving him a niche that is both valuable and extremely annoying. What boy wouldn't want that role?

[As a side note, this also explains boys that are extremely conservative: Not only is it a valuable niche to fill, it's also one that few want. It's also a form of rebellion in and of itself, but against the idea of teen-age rebellion instead of grown-up complacency. Every group should have one, because it keeps the pack grounded and out of the worst trouble, especially if he's not just the conscience of the group but respected for that.

Problems with The Pack

Once the boy has defined his territory, it becomes a second skin, and gives him the base that he needs to grow from. However, there is the potential for catastrophe, as he doesn't think for himself when he's part of the pack. There is a sort of  groupmind, where the group does what the group wants, and may not be what the individual wants to do. In a way, the boy needs that vacation from decision-making; he's having to make a lot of decisions that may have tremendous effect later on and he is unable to even visualize those effects. Even if the kid is a great chess player, he is most likely unable to realistically conceptualize himself even a few years in advance, and so he needs a way in order to relax the decision-making part of his brain while allowing for the learning process.

Can you think of a better reason for half of the stuff that teen-age boys do? Streaking, smashing mailboxes, and basically being jerks have their beginnings in establishing their niche and their pack. This is also where experimentation with drugs and sex begin, as well as bad garage bands. As a parent, you need to do one of the hardest things you will ever do: You need to allow this, as long as it doesn't start doing irreparable damage. It's like a vaccine: A little rebellion now, establishing who he is, will help eliminate a lot of soul-searching and rebellion later on, allowing the kid to concentrate later on (highly useful during college, for example). I hate saying it, but you need to let boys be boys; they will be no matter how much you try otherwise, so you may as well as enjoy the ride. Let them control the wheel, don't forget that you control the brakes and that gas pedal should always be up to negotiation.

The Risks and Rewards of Fatherhood

A father's son represents his immortality; not only the kid represent his genetic immortality, but also that of what he values the most. He teaches his son what he hopes will survive to the next generation, and instills in him that which he hopes will help him However, he is most tempted to take out his son during adolescence.

There are several complaints that seem to follow every generation:

• This generation is more disrespectful than mine.
• This generation will destroy itself.
• This generation has so many more problems to face than mine.
• The music of this generation is the worst ever.
• This generation is far more selfish than mine ever was.
• How can the kids of today ever hope to deal with the world of tomorrow?

The most amusing part is that every generation has had the same issues with the generation following it. It's almost scary how regular these complaints come up. Adolescents are always going to come off as being disrespectful; if you had to boil down the essence of what an adolescent, does it is to push boundaries, and being disrespectful is part of that. However, keep in mind that they will learn respect the hard way, and thus learn respect; just give them time and the hard knocks that come with it. By the same token, bear in mind that they will get over their apparent selfishness as they learn better teamwork, and to value the strength that it gives.

Just as generations past have risen to deal with the problems that they were presented with, so shall the current generation. They will probably use different solutions than your generation did, but they also have more technology than your generation did, and each generation tends to think in different terms than the generation prior, just as that generation did the generation prior to it. In essence, the new generation is just as unlikely to destroy itself as was the generation prior to it, and yet we're all still here. Sorry about the music, but there are worse things that could have happened, right?

However, one constant is that fathers and sons will always come into conflict. It's simply that the son has to establish his independence, and he thinks that, at some level, he has to rebel against his father at some point. This should not be seen as some form of regressive behavior, but as a natural consequence of growing up. It's not just the hormones (even though it may be fed by it); there's also psychological reasons for it as well; the boy doesn't see himself as able to stand on his own unless he is able to stand up for himself, and obviously the first person he needs to stand up to his father, who represents repression of his independence. As such, you should not only allow for the rebellion, but encourage it a bit. It's the first few steps into manhood, and as such marks an important part of the journey.

Some fathers will seek to decrease or eliminate the kid's need for conflict; this is poor parenting and the sign of a weak father. This is an important part of childhood, and should not be seen as something to be ignored or put aside. Although I appreciate that some fathers don't like conflict, and don't like it, they need to realize that conflict is part of the human condition and is a necessary part of growth. It's interesting that people try to eliminate conflict because they think that humanity would be better without it, but don't bother to understand why it happens.

It should be noted that victory is not important, only that the father recognize that the boy has a different opinion than the father. The point of the conflict is not for the boy to win, but for the boy to advance. By changing his father's perspective on him, the boy gets what he needs. At the same time, so does the father; he gains an extra pair of hands and eyes, as well as the first glimmers that he is raising a man and not a mere automaton. The father also gains someone who is not afraid to contradict him, and that can be just as valuable, as it keeps the father from becoming too staid in his decisions and willing to try new things at his son's request.

That's something that you need to meditate on, that rebellion is an important part of the boy establishing his own place in the order, outside of his father's. It's not just a need for territory, but a need to establish himself as an entity apart from his parents. And that's an important step for the son as well as for that father....

Education Begins With The Parents

[Yeah, yeah;  the next couple of weeks are parents...then it gets interesting...]

The Parental Pardox

The Parental Paradox is that the moment of purest joy and pure grief for parents is the same moment: When you realize that the kid doesn't need you anymore. In a lot of ways, it's the day that you work towards as a parent, but the realization that you aren't needed anymore wouldn't sit well with anyone.  Puberty marks the biggest leap to that moment, and is the sign that the time relatively peaceful days of parenting are almost over. In other words, if you think things are chaotic now, just realize that you will soon remember the current situation as the "Good Old Days".Marks measuring height will soon be replaced by countdowns until when they go to college.

Too many parents feel guilty about wanting to get rid of kids. You've spent a lot of time and effort raising the kid, and now you want to have nothing to deal with him. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT THIS. It's a perfectly natural part of being a parent. You're going to feel that the kid is leaving you, and you may resent that. Some parents deal with this by taking more control over the kid's life; if you do react that way, note it and back away. The more control you take, the more he will depend on you as an adult, the less functional of an adult he will be, and aren't you trying to raise him to a functional adult?

The kid should be making more of his own decisions, and if you prevent him from making those decisions, you're hampering his ability to make decisions as an adult. Your kid should be making more decisions, and you should be encouraging him to do so. Don't be afraid to advise him, but try to limit your advice to when asked for it. Obviously, don't be offended if that advice isn't always asked for; he needs practice making decisions on his own, and he won't always be able to ask your advice. More importantly, you may not be the best person to ask, and it's good to see that he is looking for people that can actually help him.

That independence is what you are trying to instill in him. It's just part of the way things work out; you will find, if you haven't already, that not controlling the kid is a big part of parenting. You should now be helping to push him ever so slightly out of the nest, not pull him to the center of it.

Changing Expectations

A major issue that will come up is that your expectations need to change, as the boy's abilities are radically changing. In other words, he's capable of far more at thirteen than he was at ten; his technical skills are going to phenomenally increase as he realizes that the computer isn't just a research tool, and that he can learn to drive in a few years. He's also stronger, faster, sturdier and capable of concentrating longer than he could just a few years ago, once you allow for daydreaming (and you know you can't help smile a bit when you read that!). Look at it this way: He may be capable of using that power mower now that he couldn't a few years ago. That his abilities are changing means that you need to recognize that, no matter how nervous it may make you.

As a parent, you need to challenge your son in order to properly raise him; even if he messes up, would you rather him mess up now, or when you have no ability to slap him if he screws up? You need to allow for increasing amounts of responsibility, and holding him to those responsibilities will make him more likely to respect you, especially when he starts realizing that those responsibilities are actually important. After all: You are no longer at the stage where he will respect merely for bringing home the bacon; he's at the stage where he will respect you more when you respect him. You need to learn to enjoy that he doesn't need you as much, as it allows you to do other things that actually do require your notice (like other kids or starting that internet business you were thinking about).

Realize that his capabilities are changing, and respect those changes, or you will make things more difficult. The road ahead is going to bumpy enough; why add speed bumps?

Parental Warnings

Obviously, this is not going to be a blog about to raise your boy; you've read plenty of those, and so this entry more to act as a warning label for your kid. Just a real long one…with lots of words.

Generic Warning

Okay; first off: This is not a book written by someone with a degree in childcare, psychology, or anything even related to mental health (in fact, it could be argued that a journalism degree is the exact opposite, but I digress). Rather, this is written as an uncle's advise to his nephews. When it comes to children, parents raise them, grandparents teach them, and uncles corrupt them give them practical experience in the mentioned topics. In other words, Daddy teaches them the basics of how to ride a bike, Grandpa will teach them all the tricks (without hands, wheelies, basic jumps), and Uncle shows them how to build a ramp. As such, this book is probably the last thing you want them to read.

When it comes to puberty, uncles have an entirely different perspective. Fathers are aware that puberty may come with a lot of rewards, but there are a lot of hazards. Being responsible  parents, they are going to do their level best in order to minimize the hazards, so that the boy can become a man. The father and son will come into conflict, and most of those conflicts are because the father is trying to protect his son. Expect a lot of conflicts; if the boy never disagrees with you, and you never at least shout at each other, then you just haven't done your job as a father or your son is a Vulcan. He needs to know that he can yell at you in anger; it's an almost physical need, and will actually help him adjust. Of course, keep in mind that you can yell back; learn to look at this as a perk, or at least a way of dealing with a bad day and you should do fine.

Grandfathers are going to their level best in order to make sure that the two of you don't kill each other. Occasionally, he will back off and just let you two go at it, but he will try to intercede. This is going to be one of the trickiest part of being a grandfather, as he is still raising his son (the boy's father) while at the same time teaching his grandson. Above all, he doesn't want to see the two yell at each other. As such, I'm telling grandfathers the key to dealing with the situation: Let them at each other. You can deal with bruises physical and emotional afterwards; they need the chance to sort things out, and, well, sometimes the best way to deal with two fires is to let them attack each other. Just like any firefighter, contain the damage, recognize that there will be collateral damage, and deal with the damage afterwards. And don't be apologetic; the grandson needs the chance to blow off some steam, and isn't quite at the point where he can do any real damage to the father. The father, of course, needs to establish order, and being the lightning rod for his son's anger is exactly where he needs to be.

[Note that I'm not trying to okay any violence that happens. I'm just saying that the boy may occasionally flare up due to the hormones coursing through his system, and lacks the maturity to deal with that. As such, things may get stormy; just ride it out and deal with the damage afterwards.]

This is why medieval kids were apprenticed out; if they stayed home, they could have gotten killed by the fathers. Getting the boy out of there is now the role filled by the uncle; he gives the father a chance to cool off and prepare for the next flare-up, while at the same time giving the boy a chance to figure out what he did wrong, as well as tips on how to deal with that anger (and yes, I will be dealing with that). In other words, the father deals with the flare-up itself, the grandfather limits the damage, and the uncle enacts measure to limit the flare-up.

Mothers, of course, have a need to ensure domestic tranquility; adolescence will disrupt that tranquility. Be advised that the best thing you can do is to let it happen. If you're raising the kid alone, you will need to take on the role of the father; the best advice I can give is to remember your own puberty, and bear in mind the times that you barely kept your anger in check, as your son is now undergoing his own version of that. Also, keep in mind that his respect for you will keep him from attacking you physically; you'll still need to deal with the anger, but you should be able to weather it fine.

All of that said, realize that this blog is not politically correct by any stretch of the imagination. This is not because of any inherent racist, sexist or other limited mentality; rather, it's an attempt to look at a very confusing time of a boy's life realistically, and to help him through it. I will be talking about a lot of topics that you would never want to talk to your kid about, but you know needs to be discussed on some level. As such, I expect a lot of people to use my name as a new swear word. Sort of look at it this way: Would you rather someone bring it up and give them both sides, or would you like it limited to locker room discussions? Yes: I'm going to discuss masturbation, hazing, and homosexuality at length, and in very specific terms. A lot of other things are going to be brought up, but I figure those are the ones that will scare you the most.

In other words, it's going to be frank and honest, and liable to annoy just about anyone. You have been warned.

This is not The Talk

And don't forget: Do not use this blog as a substitute for that one great moment of total humiliation between father and son. This blog is meant to supplement that discussion, not take them over. I may be able to suggest some topics, but it's ultimately you that will need to direct him. Read: I am trying to avoid taking a religious stand in this blog, even though religion will most definitely be touched on. It's up to you to give direction in that regard, and to watch what he's doing. Be aware that this blog will take interesting stands; it's up to you as parents to determine if this site is acceptable.

And it's definitely up to you to take the first steps in recognizing that your son is becoming a man. This means that you need to take that all-important first step, and realize that he is just as embarrassed to discuss his bodily functions as you are. But…not only is it a bonding experience, and one that needs to happen, but it sets the stage for further dialogue, and keeps you in the loop when important things happen in his life. On the other hand, not talking to him demonstrates that you aren't interested in him, and so he's not likely to consult with you, and any questions about his activities will be met with hostility.

In short, I'm not trying to step on anyone's toes, and that you have every right to disallow this blog. I hope that this will help...

Werewolves

Moonlight streaming through the clouds hits a man. Hair grows denser and longer. Muscles bulk up. Teeth and fingernails grow longer and denser, becoming fangs and claws. In moments, the man is transformed into a raging engine of fur, muscle and claws, hell-bent on destroying any and all that he encounters, the countryside falling to his appetite.

Werewolves are one of our most enduring myths; there is not a single culture that doesn't have some legend of lycanthropes, and most have a number of creatures. Scientists have even gotten into the mix, with several explanations of how the myth could have started, with several theories running around. I'm going to look at another.

You need to consider that the changes wrought by lycanthropy are the same as those wrought by puberty, just not as dramatically. The boy becomes hairier, as well as gaining muscle mass. There is no question that the boy's temper becomes worse, as hormones take control and change the boy into a man. During this, his appetite increases to fuel his change.

Consider that for a moment. A boy at ten and that same kid at eighteen are physically different enough that it's hard to believe that they are the same person. The ten-year old is basically hairless; the eighteen-year old is virtually covered in the stuff, and in places that the ten-year old doesn't have any. The eighteen-year old is definitely smellier; the ten-year old could go for days without a bath, even with hard play, without really smelling as bad as the eighteen-year old does after a few hours of laying around. A ten-year old is a wimp compared to most eighteen-year olds, where even the weakest teen-ager is capable of feats that the younger boy would find hard to reproduce. Not to mention that the ten-year old just isn't capable of the raw anger that the eighteen-year old is; maliciousness, sure, but in a cold calculating way rather than raw anger.

In short, could it be that every culture has werewolves is because they all have teen-age boys? The transformation may be in years rather than mere moments, but the effect is the same: You take a meek, mild-mannered hairless boy, and puberty transforms him into a raving hairy monster. There isn't some mysterious disease or weird condition; it's just a metaphor for something that happens to all guys around twelve years of age or so. I'm not trying to de-mystify it; I'm trying to point out just how important it is. It's important enough that people have created myths about it, and it's something that scares everyone: Ever heard of a pleasant old myth about werewolves?

But that it happens to all guys is an important detail. And rather than trying to look at it as something new, you need to realize that what you're going through is the same thing that all men have gone through, as well as a number of older boys. So, yeah, you should be afraid; you should be very afraid. But let's see if I can help you walk through the Big Stuff.

This blog is all about the boy's transformation into an adult. Not only are there going to be some scary periods, there are going to be some fun times as well. I'm not going to be nice about this; it is going to be a scary time. However, any period of dramatic growth can be scary. I can only hope that this will be of some use to not only the boy, but the boy's family as well.

But I guess I should deal with the parents first. After all, they need some guidelines on how to deal with the kid...