Depression vs. Just Being a Kid

 Depression is something that you’re also going to become very familiar with. Your body is so loaded with hormones that you are going to experience mood swings just going from end of the house to the other. There are a number of ways of dealing with them, but let’s handle the basics first.

Your body is involved in a number of changes, and you don’t have the advantage of a caterpillar in that you can wrap yourself up in a cocoon and wait out the changes. Part of this is that you are going to feel emotions a lot harder than you should. When you get mad, you’re going to be really mad, and when you are happy no one is happier. This also means that when you get depressed, no one will be sadder. Keep this in mind and it should allow you help you keep your cool in a variety of situations. Just be aware that everyone around you doing the same, and it may allow you an edge.

Also keep an eye on how long you are feeling sad for. If you are feeling sad most of the time, you may be suffering from clinical depression. It just means that you need to check in with a doctor, and that there is nothing wrong with that. If you need help, ask for it. Period. It’s fine to enjoy the suffering a bit so that you fully appreciate it, but at the same time you shouldn’t go around being depressed all of the time. So if you’re sad just a bit too long tell your parents and hope they’ll get you the help you need.

However, there are ways to deal with some basic forms of depression. The first is to get physically active. Even if your family is just in an apartment, find some excuse to do something strenuous and active, even if it’s just doing a basic workout. Chores can also work as long as there is a physical component; yardwork is the obvious target here as it can give you a decent workout. The key is the endorphins released; a light workout simply doesn’t have the same effect. If you do the chores right, not only do get rid of the depression and feel better, but you can also get paid to do it.

Another is to have a good group of friends. You need a group of friends that does something, even video games, and has a sense of humor. Try to avoid groups where the sense of humor tends to making fun of others; this is not to say some mocking is fine, but if the majority the humor is making fun of others to the point of tearing others down there may be an issue. You should always avoid bullies, and that includes being a part of such a group.

In short, just like a bad temper, you will also have to deal with the occasional spell of depression. But there are ways to deal with it, and if they aren’t enough you may need professional help. But smile; it means you’re growing up!

Learning to Manage Your Anger

One of the biggest changes deals with both the changing body and changing mind: Anger. Teenage boys tend to lose their anger a lot easier than any other group. They have that nasty combination of testosterone and passion; this means that their emotions lay close to the surface. The biggest problem that they’re going to have is controlling that temper. There are a number of ways to deal with the temper, if you can catch it in time.

The easiest way is physical exertion. As the culprit is usually testosterone, which also is one of those responsible for your physical changes, this makes sense. The important part is that the task has to be physical exerting; lifting heavier than normal weights, pounding posts into the ground, baling hay. Even a good run can work, as long as you are sweating heavily by the end of it. You should find that a healthy sweat will result in endorphins that will take the edge off your temper. Keep in mind that this also applies, ironically, to wrestling, boxing, or other martial art; as long as you don’t lose your temper during the fight you should be okay.

Meditative practices can also work. In this case, you have one of two options, but they begin the same way: Breathe deeply, close your eyes, and clear your mind. The first option is to visualize a place that you are happy in, that is serene; a beach, the forest, even the desert, as long as you are happy there. The visualization should calm you. The second is to visualize a place where you are slicing and dicing; the violence may take the edge off. If you need to walk in the woods or play a video game then do so; it’s just a physical extension of the mental exercise, but try to master the mental version first.

Before you begin dealing with it, however, you need to extricate yourself from the situation first. The problem is that you need to get out of the situation as quickly as possible once you feel your temper rising. You should not consider this retreating; no matter how good a fighter you may be, eventually the odds will catch up with you. It’s like a bad dare: There are no advantages to fighting if it is just to fight; it may be fun, but a real fight is dangerous and should be avoided at all costs, especially if weapons are involved or have a high probability of being involved.

This is not to say that having a temper is a bad thing. When you are mad, and really mad, you body trades off some off your thinking ability for greater strength and endurance, increased pain tolerance, and your reflexes are faster because your inhibitions are lowered as well. However, the key is that you trade some of your thinking skills for increased physical ability; you need to learn to use your anger, not be used by it. This is why star athletes are so good; they’ve mastered the ability. Although they are also able to access the increased physical skills, they are also able to keep most of their intelligence, making them formidable opponents. So it does have its advantages, but you need to learn how to master it in order to glean those advantages.

GIRLS!

This is probably the biggest change you will be experiencing over the next few years. Girls used to be one of those inconveniences you had to worry about, and now they are a distraction. There are some good reasons for this from a biological perspective, but that’s not going to help much here. Your body is getting ready for girls, but the mental processes are taking a while to catch up.

In other words, you are going to be experiencing some confusing times. Your body is going to go one way, and your mind another. You’re going to want to deal with girls, but you’re also going to be intimidated by them, even if you say otherwise. Just don’t treat them like boys, and you should be okay. Treat them like you would anyone else, and you should do okay. You’re going to strike out a lot if you’re looking for something more than just friendship, but realize that’s fine; you should just need to find out where the line between “person who asks too much” and “person who asks just the right number of time”. Find that line, and you’ll do great.

My personal theory is that boys treat girls too much like boys, and it messes everything up. Abusing girls is something all boys do up until puberty or so; until that point it’s a sign of affection. I know it sounds weird, but you want the girl to know you like her, but you also want to fit in with the other guys who hate girls, so you abuse the girl you like. When you hit puberty, you hope she has forgotten, but you back off her just a little back in case she holds that abuse against you. Let me clue you in on something: As long as you stop doing and treat her with respect, those past annoyances will be treated as love taps, and she will look on them in a good light.

And some other tips: Make sure that you bathe regularly and give it at least passing notice to your looks. Girls like clean, well-groomed boys. Learn how to dance and attend school dances regularly; better yet, get on the dance floor as soon as you can, and don’t be afraid to ask the girls to dance. You may not always get the nod, but at least you’re trying, and that puts you leagues ahead of the rest; eventually you will get all the nods you’ll ever want.

So just remember to play nice, ignore past indiscretions, and always ask for permission; that should at least get you started.

The Changing Comfort Zone

Something that you are no doubt going to notice is that your comfort zone is changing. There are some things that you are more comfortable doing, some things that you are less comfortable doing. Unwanted physical contact is an obvious example; even a few years ago you had no problem with someone tickling you, but now it’s a major problem. On the other hand, you have less problem with being punched, as long as the punch isn’t too powerful. You have problems with intimate contact (hugging, kissing, and tickling) and less problem when it’s more bonding and proving how tough you are (punches and wrestling); this is normal.

Part of the problem is because you see things differently. Intimate connections make you feel weird; this is because you are sorting out your feelings towards things, and intimate feelings make you feel uneasy, almost physically ill in some cases. This is because your body is getting ready for different kinds of relationships, and your mind is backing your body up on that. I hate saying that we will cover that later, but we will; just trust me for now. But for now, realize that you are less interested in hugs and kisses and more interested in handshakes, and that that’s fine.

On the other hand, you are trying to establish yourself as being able to take on more responsibility; taking pain is the best way can show that you are able to deal with things without cracking. Look at it this way: You see adults sucking things up, doing and dealing with things that they would prefer not to. You want to show that you can do that as well. Taking a punch is the easiest way of showing that you can suck things up without it seriously messing with you. This means that fighting and wrestling, as well as sports in general, are going to be more interesting for you, especially those with a teamwork aspect.

There are other ways you are going to notice your comfort zone is, well, mutating. Girls are one obvious area. You are going to go from ignoring them to wanting to be around them. You are also going to notice that you want to spend less time with your friends; that’s fine, that’s normal, too. You are going to want some time alone, to think about things or just to be alone; this is not abnormal or make you a freak.

In short, just be advised that the way you think about things is changing. This is not weird, this is normal; don’t freak out. Well, not yet….