Why you should avoid senior/freshman romances

Romance can be a weird thing when you’re a teenager. The problem with being a teenager is that you’re never sure when it’s romance or when it’s hormones, or even when it’s both. It gets more complicated when there is the promise of the romance having a physical component; if there is the promise of something more than just holding hands, then it gets…confusing just isn’t the right word for it.

Senior/freshman romances add a whole other level to the situation. There are a number of problems that need to be addressed with the situation. First off, let’s split hairs: I’m sort of in a weird position here. As an initiatory experience, I’m sort of for this; if you are going to lose your virginity, losing it to someone who knows what they are doing is probably one of the top two ways of doing it (with someone you care about is about the only way to top it, but that’s a conversation for another day). As long as it’s a one-time only, boy did we screw up, let’s forget about it situation it should be okay.

The problem, however, is when it’s made into a relationship. The problem is that the senior and the freshman have entirely different world views. The senior is getting ready to leave the nest and head off to college, and is looking at how he or she is going to change the world; the frosh is dealing with a whole slew of problems from changing bodies to hormones to new cultural norms. Whereas there are some advantages for both, there are some disadvantages for both as well.

The freshman gains the most in this relationship. The senior offers an anchor against the storm of emotions and hormones, as well as access to the senior’s experience and popularity, such as it is. The freshman also gains the possibility of that senior’s experience in other ways, especially if sex is involved. But that’s about it.

There is the disadvantage that the senior may act as too much of a shield against experience for the freshman, and may treat the freshman as the junior member in a relationship. The former problem is that it means that the freshman may lose out on valuable milestones while in the relationship, with the senior actually holding him back. The other problem is that a relationship should be between equals; if one is being treated as a junior member, then it is hardly between equals. So, he gains a mentor, a shield, and an anchor, but loses experience and is treated as a secondary person.

On the other hand, the senior gains little from the relationship. She gains someone willing to do virtually anything she wants, especially if there is sex involved, but she’s going to find quickly that the freshman is going to be a lousy conversationalist as he doesn’t have her life experience. She is also going to be taking lead on most of the decisions; she is usually the one with the car and money, giving her a lot of power in the relationship beyond her experience and the possibility/actuality of a more intimate relationship. However, at no time is the relationship going to be between two equals, and so it’s going to die eventually and painfully.

In short, as a one-time fling this can work. The senior takes advantage of the relationship, gets what she needs out of it, gives him a memory, and needs to drop it. The freshman needs to take advantage of it, and then forget about it, beyond possible bragging rights. It’s not going to last forever, and when it does there is going to be a lot of heartbreak. There is no way anyone can stop it, but be advised that we have been there, and that we know what’s going to happen. Trust your parents if they say that it’s time to break it off. You probably won’t, but at least you were warned, so enjoy it while you can…