Gym Class Survival

Gym teachers are always going to be one of those teachers that everyone seems to love or hate, and that opinion seems to be split. Nonetheless, they are always going to be the one that you remember that most, simply because so much of your development happens in their classes. Boys tend to express themselves best through physical action, and gym class is a about that. This is also where you will face a lot of anxiety, and little of it has to do with the class itself, especially in areas that mandate showers; that makes gym class an area where you see whether or not you measure up to those in the class. It's this that causes gym to be such a fun class.

Most boys tend to respect if not outright love the gym teacher. This is because gym class gives them a great way to get rid of pent up aggression and feel like they are in control; even if they aren't team captains, that they understand the rules for the games a lot better than in math or English makes it a class that they can relax in. Because the class is also not as formal as others this makes its a much more relaxed, much more comfortable for most boys who have problems with the much more rigid dictates of other classes.

[Those that hate gym class usually tend to do better under much more rigid rules, and tend to be less interested in physical contests. If you are one of these boys, don't make the mistake of looking down at the more athletic boys, and of course if you more physical don't look down at the more scholarly types; different perspectives should always be valued, as you'll no doubt find out soon enough at school.]

However, what makes gym class really fun are the showers, or at least the changing. Boys being curious you are bound to look at each other while changing and see how you measure up with other boys. The longer you know other boys the more likely you are to have paid attention to them as they grow as a way to better figure out how you are growing, by comparing milestones of both you and them. Odds are good that if you like how your are maturing you're going to listen to the gym teacher, while if you don't you are going to ask if there is something you can do about that; just realize that the teacher may not be able to help you.

Others will simply resent the gym teacher and learn to hate gym class. They will see him as backwards at best, and the symbol of a class that they would prefer to see disappear into the annals of history. They are also the most likely to spread rumors about the gym teacher, usually regarding his sexuality ("He sees naked boys all the time so he has to be gay!"). You need to ignore them as they are usually false and spread just to justify the boy feeling bad about himself; you need to ignore them because saying nothing is actually the best way to make them disappear (if no one takes heed of them they usually stop) and because his actions outside of class should not be any business of yours.

There is also the time away from both girls and authority. The privacy of the locker room as well as the forced intimacy makes boys comfortable enough to talk about their bodies and sex, usually through hypotheticals ("Let's say I have this friend that hypothetically..."). This is fine and totally expected, just take a lot of this with a grain of salt; it's great to listen to, but there is so much ego and ignorance involved that it makes for some of the worst advice you'll ever get in your life. If you actually need the answer, ask the gym teacher or your doctor.

The bottom line is that gym class is where you are going to mature the most socially, and where your body will develop. Take advantage of the situation and listen to your gym teacher; you have nothing to do but profit from the situation and it gives you plenty of time with the guys. Gym class can be the best or the worst class, and it is up to you determine that. You'll find that if you take the time to have develop a relationship with your gym teacher, even if it's just grudging respect, he may not be easier (and will usually be actually a little tougher on you), but you will get more from the class. This is definitely a case of adapt and thrive; do that and this will be one of your favorite classes.

Why Classes Are Important in Everyday Life

Teachers are going to present their own challenges. The problem is that they are going to be the most obvious authority figures for you to rebel against, mostly because you don't see the value in what they are teaching. It's just difficult for you to see how your classes apply to real life. The problem is that you are still looking at the short-term rather than long-term, and that may let you survive but that's about it. In order to get ahead, to obtain the dream of fame and fortune, you need to start developing the ability to look at things long-term, and here is where you need to start. Here is some additional food for thought...

English and any Foreign Language: This obviously has the most practical value. English allows you to communicate better and more effectively, while foreign languages allow you to communicate to those that don't speak English. The best language classes also give you a glimpse into the life of those that speak the language, and that additional perspective has value as well; it allows you to put yourself into another person's shoes easier as well as making life easier beyond just language issues.

Physical Education: These classes are straight practical value, and keep you healthy. Learn what you can, and take advantage of them. You'll also find that physical exercise helps cool your temper a bit, something that you'll find helps make things easier.

Music and Other Arts: For those interested in a musical career, even rap, this classes have a straight-forward practical value. However, they also give you an appreciation of how valuable things are, nd how sometimes obvious value is anything but. They can also help you make the best out of marketing yourself, another practical area. They can also give you an appreciation for life in general, and makes things a lot more fun.

Science: Even if you never get into science, these classes give you an additional understanding into our world. There is a more practical purpose to these classes as well: They enable you to understand information you are given far easier. You can understand the information a doctor gives you much easier as you have a basic understanding of how the body works. For physical training nuts, it gives you insight in how to make the most of your workouts, and even helps you from falling for basic scams. It also helps you realize how things are part of systems, and how one thing affects others, even if they seem unrelated. That insight alone is worth sitting through those boring classes.

History: Yeah, these classes are probably the most boring you'll have to sit through. There's no real helping that. However, the pay-off can actually be immense: Not only do you gain a little more respect for those that came before you, you also get to see what ideas worked and which ones failed, and how to apply that knowledge so that you don't make the same mistakes. If you really pay attention, you'll figure out how the legal system works and how to better be able to apply that legal knowledge to your own life. That knowledge gives you a lot of power. You also learn how to research, document sources, and debate if sources are actually good or not, something that pays for itself when it comes to making decisions: You can figure out which sources of information to trust and which should be ignored in a given situation, making sure that your decisions work out for the best.

Math: This one gets a lot of flack, especially from Facebook memes. The problem is that a lot of people don't really see what math does for them, and so discount it. The reality is that math does quite a bit beyond just show you ways to manipulate numbers. Sure, there's a lot of that, and it's worth it; being able to solve for "x" and convert statements to math problems is worth it later on when you are trying to figure out how to spend your money the most effectively. However, math also teaches you how to think things through logically; you learn how to break problems down, to solve those smaller problems, and then apply that to the bigger problem.

So...all of this just means that the classes may be incredibly boring, but the knowledge you gain gives you some really nasty power later on. Hopefully that makes it worth sitting through those classes worth it, as well as giving you some respect for your teachers. Your teachers are not the ones that you want to get into running fights with, although it can be good for sharpening your claws on them. Just remember as you target your teachers that they have their own claws, and that you may on the receiving side. At least until you develop your own set...

Medicine, Truth, and Your Body

Doctors can be your best friend or worst nightmare, depending on how much you tell him. It can also be one of the most awkward situations you will be dealing with if you have some modesty issues. This is the opportunity to start a great relationship with a medical professional, and should be based on truth rather than locker room myths.

[Interestingly, this article applies well to girls as well. Just switch all pronouns to their opposite and replace all mentions of "mother" with "father", or keep them the same depending on your situation.]

Let's deal with the moment of awkwardness first. You may need to tell your mom that you need a new doctor, and that that doctor needs to be a he. Odds are good that up until now your doctor has been a pediatric doctor, and most likely a woman. Nothing wrong with this, but odds are you are going to feel a little weird taking your clothes off in front a woman and talking about health issues with a woman. If that doesn't phase you, cool; that shows a commendable degree of self-confidence.

For others, however, you may need to have a conversation with your mother about changing doctors. You do have a right to feel comfortable with your doctor, so if you would feel more comfortable with a male doctor, now is the time to speak up. You need to emphasize that it has nothing to do with your lack of confidence in her skills and experience, just that you would feel more comfortable with a male doctor. While this can be hard to discuss, especially if your mother is a hard-core feminist, it is nonetheless an area where you need to stand up for yourself. Your health needs to take priority, and you need to discuss things with a doctor you are comfortable with, so this is a conversation worth having.

That said, keep in mind that if you have any questions about your health, no matter how minor they may seem to you, are worth bringing up. Stuff you may may ignore may be a sign of a bigger problem. You are also going to have questions; now is the time to ask those questions rather than in a locker room. A locker room is a great place to change and maybe grab a shower; it is a lousy place to ask health questions. Think about that for a second: The kids your own age are going through the same thing you are and have the same level of medical experience, so why are you asking major questions of them when you have access to a guy who went to school for a decade or more to answer those questions, so why do you trust the kids over that guy?

You're going to find that as long as you ask honest questions of your doctor, you will get honest answers. The relationship is always going to be dependent on you, and as long as you respect that relationship you should be have a friendship that keeps you healthy for a long time. 

Mother Maintenance 101

Moms have tend to forget that you are going through some interesting changes and that can create some interesting situations. The Top Three Adolescent Problems you have at this age are an obvious curiosity, a new-found modesty, and a regression to earlier bad habits. Because your mom isn't used to dealing with those problems, this can create some weird situations that need to be sort of addressed. Let's look at the bad habits issue.

You're going to find that some of the good habits that she has taken effort to instill in you will sort of be ignored. Most of these are in the area of chores and cleanliness, and they are caused by a your hormones. The chores are easy enough to explain: You see them as something a kid should do, and you are no longer a kid. You feel almost insulted when you need to do the same chores you did even a few years ago, and you think you need to be handling new responsibilities. That's fine; you should always be looking for something new. Just realize that they are chores that need to be done, and someone needs to do them. At the same time, it's not fair that your parents have their own jobs and then need to come home and clean up after you. It doesn't help that your body wants to stay up late, making you tired during the day and less likely to show any sort of patience.

[Late hours makes perfect sense for adolescent boys. They didn't have to compete with older men for girls as the old guys were asleep or resting from a busy day. Also, someone had to pull guard duty in case the group was attacked or animals went after the food, and it made better sense to put someone out there who didn't have valuable skills such as hunting or fighting yet. This meant that boys got geared for nights. However, in modern times those situations no longer apply and everything happens in the daytime, so boys tend to be a bit tired during the day.]

Now, keep in mind that you already a bit more aggressive anyway. Combined with your fatigue and wanting to be treated more as an adult, you are not going to want to do any chores, and that counts double for keeping your room clean (after all, you want to mark your territory, and if the rest of the house is clean, a dirty room is going to stand out as different). This means that you're going to do as little as possible around the house, even if your allowance is increased.

This creates a bit of irony: You're trying to be treated as more mature, but from your parents perspective you're acting as like little kid. If you're serious about being treated older, you need to help around the house, even if you hate doing it. The best thing about it is that if you do, you will find that your parents will allow you to do a lot more than you would expect to be able to do under normal expectations. 

Why Your Relationships are Getting Weirder

You're going to find that puberty is a pretty much awkward for everyone. You're going to find out pretty quick that this includes your parents. The thing to remember is that your entire paradigm is changing; physically, mentally, socially, and philosophically your entire being is changing. And if it is changing for you, that means that it is changing for those around you as well, so expect a lot of awkwardness from everyone.

Your friends and siblings are probably going to be the most supportive. A lot of things that kids do are segregated by age, and getting older means that you can do more and face bigger challenges. It also means that older kids and adults you don't know treat you with a little more respect, and that means you are held to a higher standard than kids younger than you. In other words, you can't get away with as much as you used to but you have a lot more options; the older you are the more you can take advantage of those options.

All of this means that as you get older you gain some status with your friends and siblings. Getting older means that you either allow your friends more options if you are the oldest or among the oldest, or you are no longer holding them back. Your siblings like you getting older because there are fewer reasons for them to babysit you and there are new reasons to tease you. The dynamics of your relationships are also changing, that is how you interact differently as you get older but it becomes more equal as you get older. So that's the good news.

Your mother and father, however, are different stories. While all of your other relations are going to either recognize your getting older or ignore it completely, your parents are in a weird position: They want to recognize you are getting older but at the same time they want you to remain the same. This creates a lot of problems,, and each parent usually handles it differently.

Dads usually over-exaggerate things, and it's hard to find a good center. You can do more with them, especially once you hit your growth spurt, and so there is less reason to leave you behind; if they need some extra muscle you now actually become useful and can now be taken along. At the same time there is the issue that they have no idea what subject matter hat they can discuss; basically, they aren't sure if you can handle dirty jokes and other adult conversation. As such, expect to have some of the most philosophical discussions you've ever had. Be honest and support what you say and you should do well. Depending on the responses, your dad may become one of your biggest friends as he learns to trust you more.

Your mom is the strange one, and the one you really need to prove yourself to. Your mom will always see you as her little baby, and this is not always a good thing. It means that she will always have a problem separating the new you and the old you, and she is going to usually default to treating younger than you would like her to treat you. Suffice to say that you are likely to sort of encourage that; you're going to act differently around your mom than you will anyone else. For example, you are likely to swear less around your mom, and you are more likely to curb other behaviors like girl-watching around her as well. Eventually she is likely to treat you a little more equally, but don't expect it for a couple of years. Just let it go and realize that it's actually a nice feature.

Combined, this can get interesting. This means that your mom will usually play the conservative one, the voice of caution, while your dad will usually push you forward. Your mom will always want to protect you, and one of the best way to make sure you don't get hurt is to make sure you don't do anything new. Your dad, on the other hand, believes that he can protect from anything and that as long as you are under his protection he can make sure nothing bad happens to you. This means your mom will pull you back even as your dad pushes your forward. That interaction is going to make your adolescence all sorts of fun.

And that's the basics of your parental relationships, among others. It only gets more complicated from here... 

Mothers, Sons, and Changes

Mothers can be hard to deal with for teenagers. This is an age when you are striving to be independent of parents as well as doing some things that you would prefer they don't comment on, and there she is being supportive and curious about everything you are doing. Sure, this is normally a good thing but there are some limits to the situation.

There's a number of issues involved in this problem, not the least is a sense of propriety. There just hits a point where not even your mom should not be allowed into the bathroom when you are taking a shower. Although you may not have a problem with it, there are some lines being crossed and your mom needs to allow you to take a shower by yourself. This also applies to sleeping; you should be allowed to wake yourself in the morning without having someone wake you. There will come a time when you appreciate this, if you don't already.

At some point you need to sit your mom down and tell her to back off a bit. Just merely point out that this is the age where you need an opportunity to experiment with your independence, to make your own decisions, while you still have her to fall back on should things get bad. If she raised you right then you should be able to make your own decisions, but if you do fall it would be nice to know that she has her back. You also need the chance to make your own stories, and that she needs to give you some space.

Also, you may want to mention that if she respects your status as an adult-in-training, then you need some privacy. Some of the changes you are going through are a bit embarrassing to you, and thus you need some space to explore those changes. Yes, if she brings up porn and masturbation you are allowed and actually required by law to glare at her. Just assure her that you aren't doing nor intend to do drugs or alcohol, face her denying that, and attempt to reassure her that you aren't. Unfortunately, this may require a few conversations and a few possibly embarrassing situations to take. Nonetheless, this is an important conversation, and not one either of you will soon forget. 

Parents and Their Powers of Embarrassment

Your parents are going to embarrass you. If they never have before, they will start doing so now. There are going to be those times when they do so on purpose, or at least threaten to, but you are likely to have nothing more embarrassing in your life than your parents. No matter how good your relationship may be or how great your parents, you will no doubt be embarrassed by them whenever your friends see them. Odds are good that you will want any other relative, including your older brother or sister, to drop you off at school. Don't feel like you are a terrible person; everyone does it.

There actually are some good reasons it happens. The biggest is that you are trying to recreate your image, and you want as many new things as possible, but as few old things as possible. You probably don't like the cartoons you used to, assuming you even watch cartoons, and you want to get rid of all the kiddie books you can. You no longer like coloring books, and odds are good you probably held out for an entire new wardrobe. You are doing what marketers call "rebranding" and there's northing wrong with that.

For some kids this is not merely symbolic: You're not the same kid were a few years ago, and you want to demonstrate that to everyone you know. You want to show everyone you know that you are independent, different, and someone that should be taken seriously, and wearing the same cute shirts just isn't going to cut it. You need to show others that you aren't the same kid they are used to; you're body isn't the only thing changing, and you have the black clothes and camo backpack to prove it.

However, you're also probably going to want to change out your parents. They belong with your former life, not your new one. It's hard to prove your independence if your parents are still driving you around. You also probably want a fresh perspective to match your fresh life, and that means hanging around someone else. This means that you're probably going to want to hang out with someone new, such as your older sibs or an uncle, or even a friend of the family. If you find an adult you like, you'll probably hang out with that adult as much as possible, especially if your parents don't like him (the more different from your parents the better, right?).

Good parents understand you want to change things up, and bad ones are glad you don't want to spend any more time with you than they need to, so this is a great thing for them. Nonetheless, keep in mind that you still want to hang out with them, and you may still have some common interests, such as television, sports, even hunting. Although you may be off trying new things, and finding a lot of things you like to do, remember that you need to spend some time with your parents; they like spending time with you, and they may have some use yet, so it's always good to make them happy. 

Competing Against Your Family

This is the age where you seem to be pushing yourself a lot, and usually against those you know the best. This isn't just a matter of getting better; teenagers are heavy into competition. It may be the cause of a lot of anger as well as frustration, but it's also a way of dealing with same. Competition is the way of the teenager, especially when it helps to deal with a lot of the stress of being a kid. This competition takes on a lot of different forms, but the bottom line is that it usually pits family against family, and not always in a good way, especially in extremely competitive families. All you can do is deal with it.

This increased competition makes a lot of sense. You want to prove yourself and gain some respect, and the easiest way to do so is to win, preferably to win big. This is why your competitions tend to have an edge on them, especially when they involved your dad and older siblings, or someone you have in that role, such as close cousins, uncles, or even mentor figures. You want to show them that you can hold your own and the best way to do that, especially from your perspective, is to kick the butt of someone you respect. It can be fun, especially if you learn something from the challenge, but it can also be a problem.

Unlike your competitions against kids your own age, family competitions are unlikely to be fair, and those with the best skill are likely to win. This should not be adjusted and should actually be encouraged; it's going to feel a bit cheap if the competition is anything less than what you were expecting, and odds are good you'll actually have preferred to win when the odds are normally against you. You want the win to be as big as possible, and one that you actually have a good chance of losing, or that you even normally lose at, sometimes feels better when you win. Obviously cheating should not be allowed, but anything short of that should be. This can definitely be an exercise in pain and embarrassment, but that's actually part of what makes it so fun.

Most of the competition will be between those of the same gender, such as dads and boys, as well as age groups, such as older cousins against younger cousins. The most serious competitions will be between dads and sons, as the sons have the most to prove and the dads want the son to prove it. There is likely to be yelling, but this is usually just getting loud and excited; if it's angry yelling then someone needs to chill. A good competition is always worth it, and the more intense it is the better. Competition should be encouraged, and you should have a chance to lose and lose bad, since it means you can win and win great, and that makes it all worth it. 

Expressing Your Love Through Yelling

Part of being a teenager is having to deal with anger issues. There was a reason that kids used to be tossed into battle: All of that testosterone in your system is building a new you, with bigger muscles, more hair, and an interest in sex, but it's also ensuring that you have some serious anger issues. The easiest way you have of dealing with the extra anger is to lash out at those closest to you, hoping that they can deal with it and that they don't beat you too badly.

That extra anger to deal with can make life interesting, especially for your dad. You're going to lose your temper, frequently and sometimes visibly. The person who is most likely to deal with your bursts of temper is either your dad or an older sibling, usually because that's who you're yelling at. Yelling fights between kids and dads are legendary; it's par for the course of growing up. Even the most passive kid is more than likely to blow up at his dad at some point, and odds are good it's a moment he's been waiting for. It's not likely to make you feel good, and you're likely to fear for your life at least once. If you don't run from your dad at least once in your teen years there is actually probably something really wrong with your relationship.

Obviously too much yelling in a relationship is a bad thing, and it should never devolve into throwing punches. However, when it happens the best way is to get the yelling out of the way, and ignore that it happened; just chalk it up to having a good relationship. The cause behind the yelling must be dealt with, as sometimes the occasion was to get things out of your system. At the same time, respect that your dad is going to yell back, and he's usually louder; sometimes you need to yell just to yell. However, if there was something solid, an actual reason, that needs to be discussed it needs to be discussed.

The takeaway here is that dads and sons are going to yell at each other, and as long as that's it it's fine. If it was just yelling then the incident needs to be ignored, but if there was something serious it needs to be discussed. Yelling between kids and dads is a perfectly natural part of growing up, and something that needs to be allowed for. So lose your temper, but don't lose it completely.