Saturday, January 17, 2015

Why Your Relationships are Getting Weirder

You're going to find that puberty is a pretty much awkward for everyone. You're going to find out pretty quick that this includes your parents. The thing to remember is that your entire paradigm is changing; physically, mentally, socially, and philosophically your entire being is changing. And if it is changing for you, that means that it is changing for those around you as well, so expect a lot of awkwardness from everyone.

Your friends and siblings are probably going to be the most supportive. A lot of things that kids do are segregated by age, and getting older means that you can do more and face bigger challenges. It also means that older kids and adults you don't know treat you with a little more respect, and that means you are held to a higher standard than kids younger than you. In other words, you can't get away with as much as you used to but you have a lot more options; the older you are the more you can take advantage of those options.

All of this means that as you get older you gain some status with your friends and siblings. Getting older means that you either allow your friends more options if you are the oldest or among the oldest, or you are no longer holding them back. Your siblings like you getting older because there are fewer reasons for them to babysit you and there are new reasons to tease you. The dynamics of your relationships are also changing, that is how you interact differently as you get older but it becomes more equal as you get older. So that's the good news.

Your mother and father, however, are different stories. While all of your other relations are going to either recognize your getting older or ignore it completely, your parents are in a weird position: They want to recognize you are getting older but at the same time they want you to remain the same. This creates a lot of problems,, and each parent usually handles it differently.

Dads usually over-exaggerate things, and it's hard to find a good center. You can do more with them, especially once you hit your growth spurt, and so there is less reason to leave you behind; if they need some extra muscle you now actually become useful and can now be taken along. At the same time there is the issue that they have no idea what subject matter hat they can discuss; basically, they aren't sure if you can handle dirty jokes and other adult conversation. As such, expect to have some of the most philosophical discussions you've ever had. Be honest and support what you say and you should do well. Depending on the responses, your dad may become one of your biggest friends as he learns to trust you more.

Your mom is the strange one, and the one you really need to prove yourself to. Your mom will always see you as her little baby, and this is not always a good thing. It means that she will always have a problem separating the new you and the old you, and she is going to usually default to treating younger than you would like her to treat you. Suffice to say that you are likely to sort of encourage that; you're going to act differently around your mom than you will anyone else. For example, you are likely to swear less around your mom, and you are more likely to curb other behaviors like girl-watching around her as well. Eventually she is likely to treat you a little more equally, but don't expect it for a couple of years. Just let it go and realize that it's actually a nice feature.

Combined, this can get interesting. This means that your mom will usually play the conservative one, the voice of caution, while your dad will usually push you forward. Your mom will always want to protect you, and one of the best way to make sure you don't get hurt is to make sure you don't do anything new. Your dad, on the other hand, believes that he can protect from anything and that as long as you are under his protection he can make sure nothing bad happens to you. This means your mom will pull you back even as your dad pushes your forward. That interaction is going to make your adolescence all sorts of fun.

And that's the basics of your parental relationships, among others. It only gets more complicated from here... 

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