Parents and Other Obstacles to Teenage Fun

For most teenagers one of the biggest problems will always be the parents. Kids are always trying to get away with everything that they can, and the parents are the ones responsible for keeping the kids in line. Another way to look at this relationship is that kids push their limits in order to demonstrate that they are capable of handling more responsibility and thus worthy of being treated as adults, even as the parent must enforce the law in order to ensure respect for authority: the kid takes on the attitude that it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission, which causes a lot of stress for the parent.
This relationship tends to get a little frazzled, and makes for some interesting dynamics.

It breaks down to respect and territory. Territory is the easy one to deal with, but can also create the biggest problem. Territory tends to be a zero-sum game: There is only so much territory and the boy wants his share. The problem is that the parents are only willing to rent him out the space, but are willing to respect the territory as long as the kid works for it. Suffice to say that as he gets older he wants more territory, but it's not likely to happen, especially if he has siblings. This territory doesn't need to be physical, it can be just about anything, but it does need to be won. Consider this a heads up: I've already covered this territory, but I'm sure I'll return to it.

Respect is the other fun issue. As you get older you want more respect, and sometimes the easiest way to earn is to do something to earn it. Some of those things are done despite parental approval in hopes that the response will gain respect from the parents, while other things to gain respect from friends and other people you want to impress. Suffice to say that most of your activities are going to be based on earning the respect of one person or another. Again, this is a head's up so that we can table this discussion.

The deal is that we're going to be discussing a lot about why parents and teenagers will always fight, and why that's not necessarily a bad thing. However, most of those conflicts are all about respect and territory, and the acquiring thereof. There re some other issues, of course, but those are the big ones. With that in mind, it's time to discuss parents and how big of a pain they can be.

[Oh, and expect to see a lot of articles for girls coming up. This a weird area for them as well.]

Being Nice Online

There hits a point when intimidation goes a step too far. One of the trending issues in gaming is GamerGate, where women who happen to be involved in gaming are being verbally attacked. Of course, at some point it spread a bit into anyone remotely dealing with gaming or those people. This intimidation, like any other form of bullying, needs to stop.

The impulse is obvious: Internet sites allow an anonymous option that you can take advantage of to keep your identity hidden. This means that some trolls take advantage of the situation to write something vulgar on the wall knowing that they won't likely get caught. If you disagree with what is being said it is far too easy to just right something on the wall that is just there to offend and hopefully get someone's goat. Just like a tag on a random wall, the idea is show you were there, tick someone off, and then disappear into the night without getting caught.

Well, it has to stop. You know that words can hurt; sure you can look like you ignore them, but if someone says enough of them they can do some actual damage. Because of this you need to seriously debate what you say online before you say it. You need to start debating what you are saying before you post it. If all you can do is use racist or sexist insults then you just shouldn't post. If necessary, use phrases like "SMH" or "Seriously?" if you didn't like the post. If the facts were wrong, correct them, but make sure your corrections are right. But never just insult the person, and definitely do not threaten them; if you're lucky you will be banned, if not you could be facing actual jail time.

People are starting to take those insults and threats seriously. You can no longer be an anonymous troll without repercussions. Write accordingly. If you can't write anything nice, debate saying it in the first place. Of course, if you can offer constructive criticism, do so; nothing aggravates someone more than being proven wrong. Try that if you really want to be annoying.

The Advantages of Good Etiquette

Never underestimate the power of good etiquette. A group that practices some form of etiquette tends to get along better, and that alone makes it worthwhile given how explosive teenage boys can get. It also allows a group of boys to do a lot more than a comparable group, as the group is able to act without thinking. This makes having some sort of code of conduct important.

Etiquette is more than just how you hold a cup of tea. It's a code of behavior that allows a group of people to interact with each other without getting too mad at each other. Table manners are an obvious part of it, as it allows people to eat at the same table without interfering with each other eating while at the same time allowing food to be shared. The same applies to when you can swear, how you approach others in public, and any number of other interactions.

For our purposes, it also affects how friends work together. Ever notice how different people greet each other? That's etiquette. The same applies to how things are shared, how you play video games together, even how you and your friends break up tasks. You have established a code of conduct over the years that works for you, and that applies to anyone you interact with. It's why new kids stand out so easily; they don't know to interact with the kids around them and that makes them obvious to anyone paying attention.

Up until now you've been dealing with relatively simple code. You're about to learn a whole new code as you begin interacting with new groups, and we're not just looking at when you start high school or with kids from other places. You're also going to be paying attention more to how adults interact and mimicking that, just as you are trying to figure out how groups of older kids work. You want to belong to those groups, and just like that new kid in a new environment you're trying to figure out what the local etiquette; if you can do that you figure you will belong to those groups.

Eventually you will be in those groups. You have a lot of rules to learn, but with any luck you'll figure it out. And figuring out that new etiquette is part of what makes puberty fun.

The Scariest Thing Facing The Teenage Boy

The worst thing about being a boy is girls. No matter what your personal take is, girls are the bane of your existence. There is no force more irritating, interesting, and aggravating than the female side of the species, and you get the joy of figuring out how to deal with them. There are no easy answers for you, but let's see what advice we can offer you.

Let's get rid of an elephant in the room: You may not be interested in girls, either yet or ever, and that's fine. They may be interested in you, possibly because of that lack of interest; some girls like that safety factor or because of the challenge. That's fine. All I can say is participate in the usual activities for now, as they may satisfy your curiosity. Have some fun with it, and take notes as necessary. Regardless of where your interests lie, sort of enjoy dealing with it, no matter how aggravating it is.

For the rest of you, you are seriously in trouble. You're going to hear a lot about how you're letting your little head lead you around, and it's true, to a degree. Get used to it, and consider it part of being a kid. However, this isn't about sex; it's about the social aspects of dealing with girls, and how you need to figure out what the rules are and quickly. Complicating the issue is that there is the problem that you want to really want to have a girlfriend, and not just because you're told you have to but because there is some interest on your part. So let's give you some; you can adapt them as needed.

First, avoid sex. You're going to want to both for the experience and for the bragging rights, and that latter is a problem. Bragging rights is not why you should have sex, especially as it affects the reputation of other people when you brag about it, and not necessarily in positive way. If you do have sex, don't brag about it. Note that I'm not saying avoid it completely, just don't brag about it. You're going to learn that the biggest braggers don't do it, and bragging can turn on you, especially when word gets to much larger relatives.

When she says "no", assume she means "no". You can argue all you want about what you think she really means, but that attitude can and will get you in trouble at some point. For now, don't make any assumptions and just back down when she says "no"; you may take a hit to your reputation, but that hit is a lot better than the consequences. Keep in mind that those consequences can include you having to deal with rape charges before you charge ahead, especially in states where consent is mandatory.

If she's being aggressive about it, run. You may want to charge in, but there is usually an agenda if she's coming after you; she may want to see boys fight and the easiest way to do that is to have a boy make a pass at her in front of her friends and family, or she may be trying to make her ex jealous. Bottom Line: Even kissing her can be trouble, and it's trouble you don't want. If it gets too hazardous, you can get away with yelling for help; it may be embarrassing but the alternatives are usually worse.

Always travel in pairs, at least. You need someone to worry about your back, and you need to worry about someone else's. Travelling in groups can keep you out of trouble, as long as you listen to each other. This is a time you need to listen the kid saying run, and you have the means to escape from it, or at least send someone for help. This is a time when it pays to have a mobile phone and a good pair of shoes.

I only hope you navigate what can be a hazardous situation, and this should help some.